I hate my wedding plans!

[ricepudding]

I had always wanted a very informal wedding with close friends and family, ideally in country with a house party feel.

I have got a formal London wedding with a sit down buffet and band and lots of elderly relatives of DPs who I dont know (and he never sees) and I feel really resentful - basically it has all been booked in a real rush with a tiny baby (now 10 weeks old) and everyone has been told the date now, but it isn't what I really want.

DP had his heart set on the London venue, and I went along with it despite misgivings, when actually there was somewhere in the countryside that I loved but didn't push becuase I knew it didn't feel right to him. Now I feel really disappointed and don't want to start our married life feeling like this.

Am I stuck with it and should I make it work? Am worried if I call it off and start again we won't find anywhere else this summer, and everyone knows about it now too

Snap! I'm getting married in less than 3 weeks and like you, it isn't really what I wanted. I wish I'd just stuck with close family and the kids and a few friends. HOWEVER - the main thing for both of us is that we're getting married to the man we love and want to be with - just keep remembering that that's why you're doing it. The reception stuff is far less important than the fact that you are getting married - make sure that the ceremony itself is exactly as you want it, and you'll be so loved up that you'll barely remember that the reception wasn't what you wanted. Good luck

why dont you after the wedding go to the country with some mates and get a blessing and then have a lovely meal out

feel sorry for you when i got married i wanted a small do but MIL invited all the irish family over from ireland, was not inpressed and said that as she had invited them she coud pay for them. they brought us some fab gifts though

Feel for you.
It should be your big day - but hey it is just a day and i think if all us marrieds were really honest we would do it differently now. Be happy that so many people want to join in and celebrate your happy day with you.
We fell out with my sil becasue she wouldnt invite children to hers.
It all gets ridiculous.
Try to relax and have a laugh about it instead too much planning can spoil it too.

i was in a very similar position. we cancelled the big do and got a last minute slot at local registry office. dh and i were very relieved, got the wedding we wanted, everyone understood (so they said!) best decision we ever made!

I think you need to speak to your DP about this otherwise it will fester away. Have you spoken to him properly or have you been hinting about it ? Men are dense about these things and need them spelt out.

Just tell him what you have said here, and see if you can come to a compromise. It seems to me is part of your problem might be that your DP doesn't understand how you feel and perhaps you might be more willing to have this venue if he understands how you feel about it.

I think what sets the tone of the wedding is not the venue or the number of guests or the type of meal but the attitude of the bride and groom. Having said that is there anything you can change. Do you have to have a buffet if thats not what you want ? Did you fancy something other than a band, if so can you cancel ? Have all the elderly relatives been invited yet and if not do they need to be ?

Good luck for your special day.

Hallo
Right, have spoken to DP - and he understood, though was upset that I hadn't said anything earlier and concerned that I had gone along with what should have been a joint decision and not been completely honest. We have gone back to a much less formal venue to see if we can get married there, so hopefully it will work out.

Thanks so much for all the advice

Do you have wedding insurance? You can cancel and then re book!?!? Its YOUR day, you should BOTH be happy

hadn't paid anything yet fortunately - deposits due to be paid next week - phew

I know its difficult with a new baby (hormones and all) but you really must start as you mean to go on. Communication is the key to everything. I'm glad you talked to him and have come up with plans that you feel happier with abd hopefully his reaction has shown you that he cares about you and feels that you are in this together. Have a great day.