I hate my Aunty...

[funkynoodle]

I am 23 years old and I am very aware that many others have more life experience than me and therefore, I want to make sure I have as many perceptions as possible.

My aunty is a very challenging person. She is my aunty on my mothers side.

In 2006 when my parents broke up my fathers side of the family exiled her immediately. Her behaviour towards other members of my family is none of my business but, I feel it should factor in what I should do next.

Some examples of her behaviour,

• She tried to cut my inheritance given to me by my grandfather. He gave all the grandchildren £5000 each and attempted to claim I had got mine early. When an investigation was conducted her daughter was actually given £1500 to cover the cost of a car. Something she forgot to mention. She didn't get her way.
• She lies continuously about my mother which whom she has had a rocky relationship.
• She has belittled me continuously. Her son and myself are the same age and it feels like she is always willing for me to do badly to make her son feel better.
• She has stolen money from my grandmother. Unfortunately, my grandmother has dementia and cannot fend for herself and lives with my aunty so this poses a problem.

We are a close family and I have told them all on many occasions my feelings towards her. My partner hates her also due to a number of issues at family outings and events and has made it clear I shouldn't speak to her.

My mother and grandmother have also made it clear that due to her behaviour they would understand if I let the relationship diminish.

My mother, due to a lot of issues, would love to stop speaking to her but, due to living so close together and my grandmother is still alive she feels it isn't right.

I don't need anyone else in my family to stick up for me. I am more than capable of doing that myself and I have done so many many times in the past.

I need to know what to do. I know that if I stopped speaking with her I would possibly lose touch with my cousins whom I love dearly. I feel it's a shame to let one bad apple spoil the rest but, I will not have this woman be part of the big moments in my life but, I'm not sure how to approach the situation.

Please I need some advice.

Personally I wouldn't label it as no contact. I would just have as absolutely little to do with her as possible and not be afraid to challenge any future wrongdoings . It somehow seems more mature in this situation to just rise above her and plod along, granting her complete insignificance. Especially with her living with dgm, no contact would be difficult.

@desmondo2016 Perhaps you are correct. Cutting her out altogether is making a very permanent decision.

How old are the cousins? You can keep contact with them surely?

Just putting your bit aside for a sec, if your grandmother has dementia & is being abused in any way, including financially by your aunt then your grandmother needs some support. Maybe call your adult social services team at your local council, depending on whether the aunt has legal powers to manage the money depends on whether the police will get involved & if a crime has been committed. The wellbeing of your grandmother seems to be overlooked by everyone.

If going no contact is too far a step at the moment then just take a massive step backwards from her as Desmondo said, don't invite her to any of your events & don't attend hers. Have reasons ready when your family ask people may be more understanding than you think

@redexpat My cousins are 23, 21 and 18. The two boys are brilliant and don't seem to notice how I keep a distance from my aunty. My female cousin on the other hand knows more about the situation than the other two and as a result things can be awkward. We aren't very close.

@desmondo After money was mishandled my own mother took on the financial responsibilities and the amount of money in my grandmothers possession at any one time is limited. My mother takes my grandmother out daily and she lives a quarter of a mile walk away so, there is plenty of opportunities for my grandmother to access her money and go shopping etc

Do you all think I should tackle her head on anytime she does something particularly underhand or cruel? Or ignore her altogether?

Ive never really like my aunt. I only ever see her at things like major birthdays or family weddings. So probably a dozen times in the last 30 years.

Should be very easy to go nc