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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I confront?

5 replies

Messagebus · 19/07/2017 16:23

The other morning, went to say something to dh, who was checking his phone at the time. I noticed that the text message had a cruse word on it, although couldn't read the whole message from where I was standing. I asked to look at the message, thinking it was a drunken text from the previous night. Dh actually turned away, at which point i said, 'if it's innocent, then let me see''. He again hid his,phone, and said 'don't worry, I'm not having an affair'.

I left it at that. What concerns me is not the crude word - I get that men have banter (however wrong), but that he tried to hide his phone. Although it's a work phone, I'm not restricted from it, know the password and was using for photos at the weekend.

When he was in the bath, I had a good search on his phone, and couldn't find the message (although I'm not smart phone savvy).

Not sure what to do next. Watch and wait? Just write it off as a bit of lads banter which he was embaressed about? Confront?

So not to drip feed, a couple of weeks back, saw a gambling page on dh's iPad. Went through history to see if it were a one off and found a link to a local find-sex site. Decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking it was a pop up advert (and there's been no suspicious trips out, secret phone calls etc.). The gambling site I realised is a pop up, as it contains numbers which are in dh's new job tel no.

Sorry for long post. It feels good to write it all down.

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 19/07/2017 16:32

Lucky you being able to go through history, my DH deletes everything automatically !! Keep an eye on it, don't confront , the minute you do that , anything goes underground. If you have his icloud address and he doesn't have 2 stage verification (mine does) you can use various apps to check texts, history etc including old ones. I think his behaviour is shifty to be honest, nothing to hide? Why not show you the text ,

isitjustme2017 · 19/07/2017 16:53

It could be that he just didn't like you being nosey. My ex used to try to read my texts and I hated it, I had nothing to hide but just felt like he shouldn't be looking anyway.

I wouldn't panic just yet but, if you have a bad feeling about it then keep checking.
Its sad though when you don't trust your partner, it says something about your relationship.

Adora10 · 19/07/2017 16:56

found a link to a local find-sex site

Between that and his closeness to his phone I would not be impressed, time for some serious talking.

LesisMiserable · 19/07/2017 18:35

That sounds like a porn site pop up notification which would tie in with the gambling page.

JustMumNowNotMe · 19/07/2017 20:08

If it were me I would be playing the long game of watch ans wait, check his phone regularly and if there is anything dodgy, it gives you time to get everything in order before you confront him.

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