Slept with boyfriends best friend before we started going out. He doesn't know, help.

[SusieB3344]

Hey

So me and my current boyfriend are going really strong and I can see a genuine future with him.

However, I have recently found out he doesn't know that I have slept with one of his best friends before we started going out. All his friends and my friends know, but somehow he never got told.

I feel bad because my current boyfriend has had feelings for me long before we were going out (when I slept with his friend) and in all honesty I have liked him a long time too. But when I slept with his best friend I didn't want a relationship with my current BF then.

My current BF was out the country working whilst I slept with his friend, and I assumed his friends would have told him. It recently came up in conversation that he doesn't know.

I am going to tell him this weekend, but unsure how he will react. Because I knew he liked me a lot before we started a relationship I know it will hurt him, but thinking back am I in the wrong here?

Unsure what is going to happen, any suggestions of how to deal with possible bad tension would be helpful.

Susie

You are not answerable for sexual liaisons you had before you started a relationship! No matter if you knew he liked you etc etc - you weren't with him at the time!

I'd be dealt casual if possible? Not sure if it is possible.

'Oh you did know me and X slept together once many moons ago? X said you didn't but I thought you did?'
Rather than
'Look I need to tell you something, you're not gonna like it but I have to be honest'

You haven't done anything wrong to current boyfriend.

Your history before you starting dating is none of your boyfriend's business. Is there really any point in telling him?

How do you know he doesn't know?

I mean if A tells you that B doesn't know something, A isn't in B's mind so A may not know that C told B a long time ago and B doesn't mention it or has forgotten because it wasn't important.

What evidence do you have that makes you sure he doesn't know?

I wouldn't bother telling him, at the end of the day if it comes up it comes up but you guys weren't together so I wouldn't get wound up worrying about it.

I've been in a similar situation before and when it eventually came up with the guy I'd started seeing that I'd liked for a while and he liked me it turned out he already knew and he just joked that I'd been a hussy before him and he'd been the best one if it meant he'd been the one kept 😂

Don't stress yourself, what happened happened so don't let it take the shine off what you have

He needs to know I agree as it would be awful if he found out from someone else. But also it was before you were together and I'm sure he was no virgin before you met. Try not to stress too much. If it were me I'd be more hurt that nobody had said anything

If you see a genuine future with him, I would tell him. These things have a way of coming out eventually and at least this way you're in control of the message.

For what it's worth, my husband slept with two of our mutual friends many years before we got together and we're all good.

I'd tell him, as casually as possible.

I'm not sure how I'd word it though because I'm terrible at casual and would end up sounding really serious!

If he's bothered remind him that nothing has changed apart from his knowledge of the situation.

If he's a dick about it then he isn't worth your time anyway.

I think mentioning it would be a good idea but do NOT be apologetic about it as you have done nothing wrong. If he makes a big old drama out of it tell him to sod off too.

I've slept with loads of my male friends over the past 20 years, so what?

Did you post about this before? Rings a bell. But as for advice: I wouldn't say anything.