Time spent together - am I expecting too much frm my partner?

[AnnaF55]

I've been with my partner just under a year, we're very much in love and this is the best relationship I've been in. FWIW we're both 25. The issue is that we are soon to be LDR for 8 months and he said he had turned down a job because he doesn't want to be away from me during our last couple of months together in the same place. I also turned down a small summer job last week for the same reason.

Generally we see each other a day (or two, if work/time allows) during the week and spend half a weekend together or every so often the entire weekend together. Last weekend we spent Sat/Sun together - my boyfriend told me he'd had an 'amazing weekend' and thanked me for spending it with me. I felt really connected to him.

But two weeks ago I was thinking up fun activities to do when he said 'when I'm camping this weekend..' - I was like what? Then he apologised for forgetting to tell me he'd be away all weekend with family camping.

Tonight he phoned me and I asked him to keep a day free this weekend. He replied 'I don't know what my plans are this weekend.' Eventually he said he may need to attend a family event for the entire weekend. I was disappointed to hear this and felt upset, as effectively this would mean spending only a few hours together this week.

I guess am starting to feel overwhelmed about the fact we will soon be separated and anxious that he isn't making spending time together more of an on-going priority. Am I wrong?

Well I think he is planning LDR as he has already booked a flight to come and see me in autumn. He was also asking me to book a hol together for when I am back and yes it is me going away.

We recently discussed it and how we'd make it work. I am really going to miss him but I think I should take the job and he agreed. I can't pretend I'm not disappointed to not be included in family things but know I can't force the issue.

I don't actually think he's doing much wrong. Everyone has different parameters & expectations, maybe you're just too different.
Maybe I'm cynical as I'm older & rushed into a marriage with someone having known them less than 3 years however, respect his caution however, if you're compromising your principles doing that, then you need to end it

I dont think it is unreasonable to want consistent time at weekends in a year old relationship when you are planning a ldr.

He seems to say he wants to stay together but as long as he doesnt have to do anything.

If you get through the LDR I predict that you will be posting here about the odd weekends he has away with friends and family. If you get through that crises and have kids, I predict that his time away will coincide with the weekends that you have suddenly taken a sudden increase in stress and crying and the baby is not well for the first time. This happens a lot here.

I didnt meet DPs mum until a year after we got married. There were mitigating circumstances but still.

I dont understand the need to spend every second together if you are going LDR for a bit. Surely the mock false intensity of spending every second together will make the planned separation worse? Why try to get used to something that is going to change so much so soon?

Being clingy is not attractive.

What is consistent weekend time together? DP and I have been married for five years a very few weekends are consistent. We can work apart, be in different countries, be in libraries studying or even taking the dogs for walks all separately. We only moved in together a few weeks before we married and our lives orbit each other as opposed to being fused together.

Since you are going to be apart perhaps you should be looking at doing Skype/FaceTime during the week now to get used to it. This will add to your time together and make part of the move to LDR more seamless.

Also going away is a perfect opportunity for you op.

Where are you going, is it abroad, are you excited, are you making any plans, are you going to try anything new out there?

You havent mentioned it at all.

Please dont waste this opportunity worrying about what he is doing at home. He after all lives his life as he chooses without factoring you in.

scottishdiem - my boyfriend has a couple of consuming sports hobbies which means he is away for a whole weekend about once per month plus mulltiple weeknights. I have no issue with that.

weekend time = if not the whole weekend time together, at least some time together (ie, if he is going to be away Sat and Sun, Fri night dinner together). We will have spent half of the entire weekends for July apart. That is not normal. I disagree that spending quality time together is fake, when it has been normal for us. Surely it is a priority when an LDR is looming? We have discussed Skype plans though.

Niki, I do need to start focusing on the upcoming move now. I think the thought of the move is getting to me - yes it is abroad in an exciting country. But I will miss my boyfriend and am still starting to feel sad about that.

So he spends vast portions of his time away from you doing his sporting which is fine but you dont seem to be doing the same as him.

I.e. worry about your own life and not his. Make some plans for things you want to do abroad and just forget what he is doing or not doing.

YOU are the one leaving for a job, and apparently you haven't even discussed ldr but you assume he's game because he booked a plane ticket to see you... Is that right?

And he already turned down a job to stay near you?

And you're upset with him for seeing his family / not making plans because you're to leave soon?

Lol. Come on op. Give your head a shake.