Well I am putting together my plan of action to leave my abusive partner. I can't walk out immediately this has to be a careful and clear process for the protection of myself, my daughter and my step son.
So, I'm only 26, I met my partner at 17 and he was them 24, needless to say I fell head-over-heels in love very quickly not only with him but his amazing little boy, just gone 3 at the time.
The first few WEEKS were a typical whirlwind romance, he had a good job, a place of his own and offered me excitement and security in one package. I lapped it up and things moved pretty quickly. Then, after 7/8 weeks came the first slap. So hard I was thrust across a room. The slap came after o
I walked out and stayed away for all of 2 hours. I came back after he begged for forgiveness and sobbed to a point it made me think surely he is sorry and it won't happen again, and just like that he had total control of me, and just like that - he proved he was a liar!!
I can't exactly give exact times and dates to every physical attack or every time he has emotionally ruined me, but let's say in 9 years there has been more bad days than good. Many many more.
So I fell pregnant, stupidly, less than 6 months into the relationship, however things had improved slightly, or so I thought, however failed to see that I was being so deeply controlled that I had lost friends, my family said I'd changed. But again, naive, surely it's just because he loves me?!
During my pregnancy, I was subjected to many emotionally abusive days and the odd physical thing too.
Again, he'd cry and he'd kiss my belly and suck me back in. And again. I'd think, he loves me, he loves his unborn baby and he didn't mean to, but again I was proven wrong.
So time and time again he would attack me. Physically. He would hit me, punch or slap, strangle me, bite me, rag my hair, spit on me. Emotionally he would call me names that hurt more than the punches. Throw bins around a room, and demand I clean them up, scrub my face with a urine filled towel because I used an old towel to clean up after the dog after I'd ran out of kitchen towel, and then after he scrubbed it in my face he locked in a cupboard. And yep. I stayed. I stayed because I felt now, at such a low eb, who else would want such a worthless idiot. And every time he did these awful things, I apologised and tried to get him to forgive me for being so stupid and hideous. I was completely under his control.
He has blacked my eyes, choked me to the point of becoming nearly totally unconscious, split my eye open.
Abroad on holiday in 2015, he beat me so badly my head was swollen about an inch across my forehead and so badly bruised the nurses were worried I may not be able to fly, luckily I was and I turfed him out - he returned.
Then a year later almost to the day he punched my head in the car with the kids in the back. He was arrested we had assessments carried out by social services and I still took him back. I fall hook line and sinker every time he begs me and promises me it won't happen again.
But something happened the past few weeks, I have another holiday coming up and I woke up in the middle of the night in a major panic and I now know I can't be with him any more. The sheer idea of a holiday has brought me into such a state of panic, and I've eventually realised I deserve a damn site better. More than that my children do because I have failed them for too long and only hope now I can hopefully redeem myself and give the children the life they deserve.
Sorry about how long it is. Just feels quite refreshing getting it all out. Makes me see clearer when I see just how much sh*t he's put us through for his own insecurities!!!
I'm nearly free!!!