Can trial separation in the same house work?

[lauriem422]

For a great many reasons, I have decided to ask my DH for a trial separation, to give us both some headspace and time out. We have been going to weekly couples counselling and been really honest with each other =there and also between sessions, which has been great and really refreshing, but it's brought up so many things about our early relationship and how he treated me (which was, to cut a long story short, very badly - which he has admitted and apologised profusely for). I have a lot I need to process and a lot of decisions to make about my life and our future which I don't feel I can do as things stand between us and that's something that has been acknowledged by both him and our counsellor. It's taken a lot of time and a great amount of courage to get to the point where I can even admit to myself that a trial separation is for the best though, because we have a 2 year old daughter and the guilt over what this might do to her, and my DH, is just killing me inside. I know I need the separation for me, but I also feel like I'm putting my own happiness before theirs and I feel so selfish and crap about it...but deep down I also know it's for the best, even if just for the time being.
My question to the lovely people on this board is, how can we make a trial separation work when we have no option but to stay living in the same house? We simply can't afford a second rent with the mortgage we have and staying with family or friends isn't an option for either one of us. It'll have to be separate rooms but apart from that I don't know how to broach it, what to suggest, where my poor kiddo fits in this in terms of seeing both of us. The logistics and practicalities of it make me terrified to say it out loud but I can't keep going the way I am because my mental and physical health is suffering. He's a wonderful dad and a truly lovely husband but I just want time away from him to get my sh*t together and figure out what the best thing is for all of us. Any help greatly appreciated as I feel so truly stuck x

Im pretty much in tye same situation :-(
Recent events have made me realise i have been in denial for some time about not wanting sex with my husband.
We rent a 2 bed and are not in a decent financial situation to split but im not happy. He, like yours, is a fantastic man/father and this will break his heart. So confusing what to do for the best.
It would be interesting how your seperation goes, being in the same house xx

It's not really a trial separation if you are in the same house? I lived with my ex for a year whilst separated and it was hell on earth. It won't give you the headspace you need.

If you feel you can't afford financially to separate on a trial basis how would you do so permanently?

Could you get away for a week or long weekend by yourself?

What would you actually separate from if you're in the same house??

I am in a similar position except I already tried the trial separation while living in the same house thing and I bloody regret not asking him to move out.

I didn't get any head space at all, all I did was stick my head in the sand and didn't deal with any issues.

If you can make it work to live apart for a while then please do, if its right to get back together then it will be so worth it in the long run. and if not then I guess you will be living separately anyway.

good luck

I know this thread is really old so I’m not expecting a response but praying I might get one.. As, I’m thinking of a trial separation from my husband and I feel terrible for even thinking it as he’s not in that mind space at all. But I just feel unhappy. I feel distant and separated from the marrriage already. We’ve been together 7 years married 1 with three children. He’s recently started working a new job and is gone all hours of the day and night meaning I often don’t get any help with the house work or looking after our children which makes me feel very much like I’m a single parent anyway. And, more often than not any disagreements we have sometimes only about minor things blow up into huge blazing rows and I feel as though this is worse for our children sometimes than if we weren’t together. I don’t know if I’m being stupid or irrational to think about separating perhaps all marriages are like that? X

You'd be better off starting a new thread of your own. Old threads like this are Zombie threads and people get drawn into the original thread, and then feel wrong footed when they realise that this isn't a 'live' dilemma.

No. Did this and it was horrible. Could one of you house-sit? thats what my ex is doing at the moment and it's a lot better and I'm a lot more relaxed now.

We had a trial separation for 6 months and lived in the same house. No one wanted DH to live with them and he couldnt afford to pay rent. We had separate rooms. Separate cupboards for food. Agreed childcare so that we each had equal free time. We had months of marriage counselling to get there though.

We both realised during the separation that we didn't have any outside support. There was also the real possibility that DH will lose me because I was a free bird and was attracting attention from other men. He suddenly realised our relationship was worth fighting for.

We were kinder to each other during the separation

and DH stopped being nasty. We are back together now and our relationship is stronger that it was. It had never felt like a team before the separation. Now we are very much a team and I feel supported.

I am not sure its for everyone though. If either of you is petty, it will be a nightmare. Counseling also helped a great deal to make it work.