Would anyone like to share their positive and negative experiences of going no contact or low contact with parents?

[sewingmachinesoflove]

I'm currently no contact with my parents as I'm in therapy working through complex PTSD from growing up with my abusive brother.

My parents weren't abusive but they were both extremely emotionally neglectful.

I see a lot of posts about going nc with parents on here as if it's straightforward. I feel as though I got a pretty shitty deal growing up but nc has always felt off-limits to me.

However, seeing how much better I feel now that I have put boundaries in place does make me wonder whether long term nc WOULD be the right thing.

I just wondered if anyone wanted to share their stories of how nc or lc has gone for them? Negative and positive stories welcome.

It's a pretty rubbish thing to have such a poor relationship with your own parents that you have to consider cutting them out for your own mental health. So it would be lovely to find some solidarity here, and just to hear a bit more about how it all works out in real life..

It's been great for me. I've not seen my parents for four years now, and life is so much easier. I don't have to deal with their demands or sulks or insults, and everything works better.

It took them nearly two years to stop harassing me with phone calls and abusive emails, which was hard. But I've not heard from either of them for quite a while now and it's great.

Yes, it is sad that it's come to this but as they couldn't work out how to treat me reasonably, this is where we are. I would much prefer to have had nice parents, but they won't ever change.

I went NC just before my wedding 17 years ago. The best thing I ever did. I did allow them both back into my life about 5 years ago and realised they were never going to change so went NC again.
My life is much happier without them.

I was abused by my step-dad after my dad died, my mother knew and didn't care. For years I blamed him, just thought she was a coward. Then I had a child of my own, it all came flooding back. I went nc straight away, it was hard implementing it to start with. I really wanted to give her the option of being good, but she didn't give a damn and continued to blame me for everything.

Best thing I've ever done. She can't poison my children with her nasty ideas, I'm not constantly creeped out she/he might harm me. It's been almost 5 years and I wish I'd done it sooner. However, I'm also in therapy for PTSD so I understand where you're coming from. I feel sad sometimes that I don't have a mum, but I don't miss my mum. Now I have distance I've discovered how much I dislike who she is as a person, not just what she did. Best of luck whatever you decide.

It brings a kind of peace going low or NC but it doesn't stop you wishing and hoping they'll suddenly become the mother or father you long for. It's never easy but it's the lesser of two evils.

I've gone for low/minimal contact rather than no contact. I do just enough for a quiet life - one bland phone call every couple of weeks, short visit (3 hours max) couple of times a year. Gives my mother the illusion of a normal relationship but has brought me control of the situation.

When I went NC for a while I'd get her phoning and screaming abuse at me every few months.

Thank you I really appreciate these replies.

Well I dont have an extended family any more. No-one to blame me for the abuse i suffered or call me a liar. No-one to be indifferent to the challenges i face as a lp. No-one to offer help and then make me pay for it later. No-one to pretend to care about the dcs because it makes them look good to others.

So i havent lost anything but the appearance of a loving family that gave a shit about me. Make of that what you will.

I wish to God I'd known about going "NC", but I had never heard of such a thing. I honestly believed I had to take whatever was dished out because I was worthless. If I HAD gone NC, perhaps I would have some shred of dignity, self-respect and confidence left in me.

But I didn't, and I haven't. Save yourself.

I've been nc with my dm since January but actually she has been nc with me.
We had massive row last September- I stood up to her instead of doing what I was told.

Met with her once for coffee and it was apparent she expected an apology which I wasn't giving.

Have sent her flowers on bday and emailed her, sent her email in January asking if she fancied coffee. I was told she was poorly and I've heard nothing since.
Despite leaving her voice mail and my sons leaving her voicemail and writing to her there has been nothing from her.

I am really angry with her for turning her back on my boys and me because I won't behave how she expects me to.

There was certainly some issues when I was growing up, pretty nasty comments to me about being a slag and doing things to make boys happy put me in boarding school and pretty uninterested. Threw me out at 17.

I've given up now tho and I will not contact her. I am consumed by the anger at the moment.