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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I divorce?

9 replies

Yumama · 18/07/2017 16:47

A difficult topic.
I love my hubby, always have. We married when I was a teenager. My first ineverything. We have a beautiful daughter - a healthy moody teen. Here is the thing, my hubby has always kept at arms length emotionally, never expresses his feelings. I have to second guess what he is thinking all the time. The biggest disappointment is that I have never felt that he actually loved me enough. Believe me I am in this relationship. Secondly, I am the main bread winner and always have been. I pay for everything right down to salt. He forgets my birthday, anniversary - we never do anything at all in the 20 years we have been together. Recently, he won't make love - we can go for 3 months without. I have tried talking, explaining, asking but he just says, he doesn't know how to make me happy. At times, I get no response at all.
So I have told him that, we both deserve people who will make us happy. He didn't even respond to this. Help, he won't consider therapy either. He is not a bad person but am tired of being the one who makes all the effort in the relationship. I just feel that I deserve to be in a relationship that is warm and loving.😢

OP posts:
Greenicicle · 18/07/2017 16:48

Sounds like it might be depression?

HerOtherHalf · 18/07/2017 16:49

Yes. What exactly are you getting from this relationship that would merit you staying in it?

ImperialBlether · 18/07/2017 16:49

How old is your daughter now?

When you say you're the main breadwinner, does he earn at all? You say you pay for everything, which sounds very unfair.

velmadinkly · 18/07/2017 16:53

Read the book " I'm love you but I'm not in love with you" before you go down the route of divorce. It would be worthwhile for you DH to read it too.

You still love your DH, but if it goes on longer you will start to resent him.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 18/07/2017 16:54

We can't tell you to divorce but you've not told us a single reason why you'd want to stay with him.
It doesn't sound good and if you're unhappy do you want this for the rest of your life?

Adora10 · 18/07/2017 16:57

Entirely your choice OP but from what you write, it sounds awful, it doesn't even sound like a relationship, it just sounds like he's along for the ride whilst you pay for everything; nice and easy for him.

SandyY2K · 18/07/2017 17:01

Doesn't he work? Why do you pay for everything?

That would be reason enough for me to end it.

You aren't happy
He doesn't want therapy
He isn't trying to sort it out
He's like having a dependant
He's not interested in sex

This is no advertisement for marriage.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/07/2017 17:03

Just because you love him doesn't mean you should remain married to him. Your marriage sounds like a passionless vacuum. You could be so much happier.

Hermonie2016 · 18/07/2017 17:17

He is choosing not to communicate and this isn't healthy..if he ignores you its stonewalling.

Not communicating suggests he doesn't want to fix any issues and you can't do it on your own.

I suspect he has resentments (perceived slights) which he is holding onto and blaming/punishing you.

It suggests he's emotional immature and sadly I doubt he's capable of changing.

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