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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling sad

3 replies

Jagno9 · 18/07/2017 14:29

Hello. Cut a long story short. Been separated from my husband for over a year, trying to get a divorce. It is now clear that it was an abusive relationship. He is still very controlling(money, children, my belongings, marital home) and is continuously trying to re-write the court order in his favour which results in more bills. My children and I had to move into my parents home. I got a job yay, then lost it when my mum had a brain haemorrhage as I couldn't full-fill my shifts. I am with her most of the time. The injury has changed her a lot. I have managed to get a small part time job starting September which hopefully means I won't need childcare. When my youngest is with her dad I have telephone contact and vise-versa. (A lot of other stuff going on in between.). So, why this post? Well, I am feeling very sad. Had a fab day yesterday, up to a point. Little girl got an amazing report from school, 100percent attendance awards for the whole year(that's two in a row for her) so naturally was feeling very proud. She then went on to have a fantastic swimming lesson and it all went downhill from there. We got out of the pool, got changed, had to go to the shop unexpectedly. Went to get her a burger for tea as a treat and I had to pick up an order on the way home. When we got to the bus stop a bus was due. Waited, no bus. Rang mum so she didn't worry. There was another due (or so the board said) so read to her what it said on board. (Bus due). I'll point out that she was on another call the same time as mine, but answered. Waited, bus came, got off bus, picked up order on way home. Got home to the phone ringing so I picked it up. Wish I hadn't bothered. My Aunt on phone shouting at me that was playing games, husband had been calling to speak to daughter. I asked her to explain, no explanation, just a vicious telling off. Was so confused. Was told I was stressing mum?? Hung up. Daughter called her dad and apologised bless her. He said it was ok so hoping I don't get a solicitors letter over it. Mum not speaking to me at all. I have tried. I just want to cry. So fed up. I feel I can't do anything right. I have been out today and bought a cheap pay as you go phone(that I can ill afford) so he can call daughter on that from now on and I can use it to call her. I can't give him my mob no as he miss-used my last one so I was advised to change number and all bank accounts, passwords etc. Now I feel I'm getting it from all angles. I don't play games, I'm honest and usually very reliable. Unfortunately, I have to rely on buses and on this occasion was late.( i'll point out he can attend all school drop offs, parents evenings etc, swimming lessons etc, and has contact at least twice a week, midweek and every other weekend.) How the hell am I playing games? I feel utterly miserable.

OP posts:
Tattyhabits · 19/07/2017 08:42

I'm not surprised you're upset after that!
I've been through similar, but what kept me going through the bad days was telling myself over and over, that there are good days as well. It's taken a while but things did settle down and get better, and they will for you too. 💐💐

Brahms3rdracket · 19/07/2017 11:07

I'm sorry you're getting it from all angles, you poor thing. There's nothing much you can do with an unreasonable ex, or your sick mum, but I wouldn't tolerate the telling off from your aunt. I would have a face to face conversation with her and point out how much you have on at this very difficult time. If she wants to be involved, you would appreciate the support but another stress from her is unwarranted and out of order. Don't be afraid to tell her to back off or step up and help with your mum. Good luck.

Jagno9 · 19/07/2017 13:38

Thank you. Your advice and just being there is very much appreciated. Have spoken to Aunt and that's sorted. I think she realised how stressed I am. Mum still not communicating though. She is going to become very lonely if she carries on like this. Family and friends seem to be staying away. I'm not surprised. Who wants to take time out of their very busy life to visit when they get bad manners, bad moods or ignored. I keep telling myself she can't help it, but it's difficult when you are the one on the receiving end of it. It has definitely affected that 'part of the brain. Just feel so sad about it all. X

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