Why am I jealous of husband talking to other women?

[user1500363920]

Hi, I hope someone can give me some advice please. I don't know why I feel so insecure at times. Ive married 3 years now been together 5 years. Brief background my OH and I got together 13 years ago when he was on a break with a girl , I was young and naive, then he went on holiday with his ex as it was booked a long time ago so we went seperate ways then he dated my ex best friend for 5 years and I had a bf for 6 years fast forward we are now married. So yes a lot of history.
I could barely sleep last night. My husband works late at night and before he came home I saw on Fb that he took an Iq challenge on this girl's fb post then replied with a fire emoji. This sounds like nothing but this girl , well she's about 30 years old, slim and very attractive and single. I don't really know except she was at our wedding and she did my make up! My husband knew her from before but I never asked when etc so I did some researching while was asleep last night. I recall reading from his ex's message that he had a fling with this girl so I checked up on her name. From 2011 i saw a couple of 'professional' sexy look photos she emailed him and a restaurant link then it was all normal messages 4 years later as if they are just friends but I am rather convinced that they have slept together. I couldn't sleep thinking that she did my make up on my big day. I don't want to ask him as I don't want to do the whole 'crazy wife ' thing thats obsessed or paranoid and I can imagine him saying we are married now.. part of me is saying I should let it all go. As in make it really obvious like I really really care for him. I know he is not doing anything wrong just friendly chatting. I did see in his guys group message that his friend asked who she was seeing her in a photo and he replied that she is 👌🏼 as in shes ok. The thing is , my OH doesn't seem to give any care if I chat to other guys but it's not the case the other way around.

Maybe part of me still holds on to the whole once a cheater always a cheater kind of thing. I just wondered if any other women out there are in this situation and if so , please could you tell me how to handle this? Do I talk to him about it ( which may lower myself and I will end up saying that he can't talk to her anymore ) or just let this pass over? I have already turned off notifications from her fb posts his without telling him..

Thanks for reading and I look forward to your comments x

Before I clicked, I thought it was just somebody being insecure. A guy gets with a friend or ex friend of yours (where are the boundaries), keeps in contact with women he's slept with etc.... not surprised you feel this way!
And he cheated in the past you say?
Yes, I think most wouldn't trust him or would feel something off for a long time, he doesn't exactly have the best track record and he keeps old flings around... not great tbh. And it shouldn't be down to you to say who he should or shouldn't talk to, he himself should probably get rid of women he's had flings with, like most normal people do, especially if they're married or in long term relationships.

Yeh I think so too. I mean in our group of friends , there is a guy I had a one night stand with and he knows of this and doesn't mind that I speak to him , in front of everyone of course. He trusts me I guess. Its just that I know girls like to talk to him not that he's the best looking he's just a nice guy and into his fast cars etc, you get the idea..
he hasn't cheated on me , if he ever did do that I would take my kids and get rid of him.

With the girl he keeps in contact with, I know there is 100% nothing going on but she's single so that worries me a bit. He even told me that she was dating a much much older guy at one point but I can see on her profile she's single now.
We are both happy in the relationship I just get insecure at times that's why I look through his phone every now and then.

I don't think it's much to worry about. You keep in contact with people you've slept with, why can't he? Lots of people do.

My boyfriend is still friends with one of his exs. Even helped her find a car to buy. But he doesn't want to be with her, if he did he still would be. He wouldn't be with me. Your guy is the same, if he wanted to be with her he would be, but he is with you.

Thanks Barbaro that's what I needed to hear.
A few months ago I was in his emails and I came across a delete one and his was his ex of 5 years , my ex best friend , and she emailed to say she was in our town and she drove past the south side and she thought of him then she said hows the family hope you are well. He didn't mention this email to me at all. He did reply. Just a normal reply , hes good etc etc. He knows how much I don't like her as she is such a snake. To me the email just spelt out that she misses him so I have blocked her from contacting him. Yes you could say this is a bit too much but I think there are plenty of girls out there that worry about these kind of things. For me, I was an old flame too although we always liked each other from when I was 16 but never officially got together till nearly 10 years later.

I'm still friends with quite a few of my ex's, I see one socially frequently and have been to stay with another who lives abroad. If my BF asked me to stop I would leave him.

I think it's quite normal. You really have to trust that it's you he wants to be with.

Could you clarify sintering I don't understand in your OP?
I have already turned off notifications from her fb posts his without telling him..

Does that mean you've altered the settings in his FB account so that he doesn't see her posts? If so that's more than insecurity, it's moving into the realms of controlling who he can and can't communicate with.

sintering should be something, bloody phone!

I'm sorry that you're feeling insecure, but you are not entitled to change his notifications or delete /block emails. That's a terribly controlling thing to do. You need to work on your own feelings of insecurity and jealousy first and foremost as it doesn't sound like he's giving you cause to act this way.

To me the email just spelt out that she misses him so I have blocked her from contacting him

You are controlling.

TBH I think he should LTB.

Yeah I hear what you guys are saying. I'm just going to leave it all alone now. Social media sometimes doesn't do it any justice! Thank you for all your comments x

How would you feel if your husband went on your social media and altered your settings so people couldn't contact You? Or blocked people on your email?

I think these are your insecurities you need work on, but hasn't done anything wrong you can't inflict your insecurities onto him.

Ah you can't do this. You can't be secretly altering his settings and blocking people contacting him, controlling in this manner. It's such a lack of trust. He's not did anything wrong. We all have a past.

You need to address your issues of jealousy and insecurity, because you will damage your relationship if you continue like this. He will find out what you've been doing.

I agree with the posters above. In a grown up relationship you can't control the other person like you are trying to do. It shows massive insecurity and would be a total turn off to me if I were your husband. You would only end up getting him sick to death of you. I've experienced it from the other side. It wrecked the relationship. It's so insulting when someone doesn't trust you around the opposite sex.