Back with ex fiancé?

[Rosielily]

I think I know the answer to this but wanted to run this past you ladies here. I was widowed 8 years ago. Last year I became engaged to, I thought, a wonderful man - kind, generous, included my children (now early 20's). Long story short, his job changed dramatically - his choice which he didn't consult me about - so planned wedding was postponed and things became strained between us. Eventually he broke the engagement off - via FB. The first I knew about it was waking up one morning last September and seeing I was engaged to myself (??!!) and noticing he'd deleted and blocked me. And that was it. I later became aware that he was in a relationship of sorts with someone else, which had started quite soon after our split (November). Anyhow, around March this year he contacted me about a mutual acquaintance and after that we continued to speak. It turns out his relationship ended as the woman is an alcoholic. Our relationship rekindled and we have been spending some good times together and that spark is still there. We've been out as a family too - he and my daughters. His job takes him abroad (airline industry) and to other parts of this country. That is all genuine - this is not a case of him having several partners dotted all over the place😂. But, he told me the other day that he won't add me back onto his Facebook because he keeps it for work and that's how he wants to keep it, telling me he doesn't want to do the whole FB thing (whatever that is). This isn't strictly accurate as his friends on FB aren't exclusively airline industry people, as I can see from the interaction on his profile and cover photos. He unblocked me when we got back together so that's how I can see. More importantly, he tells me he hasn't told his son about us being "back together" as he wants to see how things go. This is annoying me more than the FB thing as he has been in my home and we have shared "family" times together. His son is 40 and with a line of his own......... I'm starting to feel like his dirty little secret, but am I over reacting!? Over to you ladies and thank you 😀

It does sound like odd behaviour. Something isn't quite right there. What does your gut tell you? Have you explained how this makes you feel?

He didn't think you deserved enough of his time for him to break off your engagement in person or even on the telephone. Instead he just deleted you and blocked you to prevent you contacting him.

What a nasty, cowardly fucker he is. Please do not give him a moment more of your precious life.

He's compartmentalising his life & sees you as no more than a tiny bit of it. You'll never be an integral part of it.

I think you'd be crazy, after how he's treated you & how he's behaving now to go anywhere near him.

He sounds like a wrong un'

I'm surprised you'd even give him the time of day given how he ended your engagement! Something definitely doesn't add up, I'd call it a day.

I am very sorry you are even considering making time in your life for someone who, it seems, grudgingly makes a very small part of his life available to you. As for breaking off your engagement on Facebook, words fail me.

Please concentrate on enjoying your own life, block him and make your future the absolute best fir you, you deserve a lovely life. Go out and get it, leave him far behind.

Sometimes stories where someone completely fucks the other person over when they break up and then at some point they get back together it works out but that's generally because the one that was an arsehole completely regrets their actions, apologises and does everything in their power to prove they won't do that again and be transparent.

If anyone should have been cautions about telling people it should be you not him. He should be over the moon that you gave him a chance.

I would end this before it goes any further.

And just because his job is traveling doesn't mean he isn't/won't bonk someone on an overnight...

He has treated you abominably; you should have nothing more to do with him.

Sorry but massive red flag - his story has more holes than Swiss cheese! I'd get shut if him OP. It's going to end in tiers. If his son is 40 why would he care what his dad is up to? What age is this guy? He's acting like a child.

If anyone should have been cautions about telling people it should be you not him. He should be over the moon that you gave him a chance.

THIS in spades!! ♠️

Surely you realise he's treated you horribly? (and still is)
You were going to be his wife but now you're not even good enough to be on his Facebook.
To start a relationship so soon after ghosting you like that screams he was already shagging her, he's not to be trusted and is probably using you until something 'better' comes along. Be kind to yourself and ditch the dickhead.

How long had you known him when you got engaged?

Thank you! This is my first post on here - although in the past I have been directed to mumsnet when simply googling something or other. I know a lot of my widowed friends have got a great deal of support on here at times. He is 61........ doesn't like face to face confrontation, preferring instead to hide behind the safety of a keypad. One of his grievances about me before he called off our engagement via FB was that I didn't "like" enough of his son's girlfriends' posts on FB......... If I witnessed this behaviour in others I too would be warning them just as you have me; sometimes we don't see the wood for the trees when it involves us directly as the heart still has feelings. Thank you all, again x

You didn't "like" enough of his son's girlfriends' posts on FB? Fuck that shit for a game of soldiers!

This dolt is the best you can do ?

Deary me

We'd been together about 2 years before we got engaged. He called our relationship off once before - just after my oldest daughter started at university.....because...... wait for it........ I didn't put his name in the card I sent her when she started..... That was done by email too....... He then started emailing me expressing his regret etc etc and eventually I agreed to see him. Some months after that (Christmas Day 2015) he proposed. I know now what I deserve and it isn't this - I'm all for giving people chances but he's had more than his fare share I think!!

Oh Rosie he really has been telling you loud and clear what a knob he is hasn't he?

Tell him to do one and stay done!

AnyFucker.......yeah..... you're right!!! Thank you for opening my eyes. Xx

He's not going to get any better - not at 61. At 16 he "just" might but ...

Go out and have fun! You don't need this.

Ugh, after the updates it's clear you should never have taken him back at all! This wasn't even a second chance.

I assure you, you can do better and you deserve better.

61 years old? He sounds like an immature teen with his behaviour, I suspect he thinks he's quite the player too. What a saddo.

He may genuinely have to travel all round the country for his job but it doesn't mean he doesn't have other women he's seeing those locations?

How long were you seeing him before you got engaged?

He suspect he's one of those men who likes the 'fun' of the the early parts of a relationship but doesn't really want a fulltime commitment.

Please cut him out of your life. You're hanging onto someone who will stop you moving on. He will never change and he will just keep you as his 'back-up' plan.

He sounds very much like my ex. He became very childish with stuff and one day removed and blocked me like I meant nothing. It was hard and I did go back after he realised he's made a mistake but knew deep down it was a bad move.
Personally I'd move on, you deserve better

One of his grievances about me before he called off our engagement via FB was that I didn't "like" enough of his son's girlfriends' posts on FB.

Okaaaay.

Tell me honestly, because I would just Ike to know, how did you feel about this, at the time and now?

Occasionally I forget my golden rule of "never go back" - honestly, it's good one............Sounds like you deserve MUCH better.

Finally here, I was livid. Really livid! I use FB but not obsessively so. Another long story short..... but ex fiancé arranged for my daughters and his son and girl friend to come to Dubai as a surprise for me and also to celebrate his 60th birthday. Anyhow, girlfriend dragged me off to the loo (we were staying in a very luxurious hotel by the way) and told me I'd never be invited to her family home until I started to "mother" Son and that son had told his dad he didn't like me as I was cold and didn't make eye contact apparently. I'd met son on one occasion prior to that conversation in Dubai. Son is 40. His mum is still alive...... but he's 40...... Ex fiancé would not face that conversation either and said he could not remember that conversation ever taking place....... I know...... I should never have revisited all this, but sometimes curiosity gets the better of you!