FFS I sound like I'm 12. I'm actually in my 40s...Namechanger.
Been separated for several years now. After a couple of years I gave dating a try and ended up with someone who got very controlling, overinvested in me and self-harming when I started to suggest that it wasn't going to work out. Ended horribly with police involvement and whole thing very frightening.
A few months ago I met a lovely bloke who seemed very sorted and self-assured, we've been having lots of fun and it's all been light and enjoyable. However in the last month he has started talk of wanting to build a life with me, being "the one" etc. I keep saying "we'll see" and "let's just enjoy this phase" but it's like he wants to hear it back and it's sort of killed my feelings. In the space of a week I've gone from finding him attractive and good company, to suffocating and hard work. All the "love yous" and "can't believe I've found yous" are frankly making me feel a bit wobbly.
Having had 2 relationships end badly in 5 years I just don't know whether it's my commitment issues, fear of another man going off the rails unless he gets his way, or what. I don't want to end something with potential just because of noisy ghosts in the closet. But I don't want to string a good man along either.
How can I try to pack up my baggage and be objective? Is that even possible? Should I accept that our feelings are mismatched, tell him and give him the option of cutting his losses?
Feel very naive, especially for my age!