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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If things ended with the man you thought was the love of your life, did you meet anyone better?

43 replies

user1499590110 · 17/07/2017 20:10

If you thought you'd met the 'love of your life' and it ended, did you meet anyone better?

i can't imagine ever meeting someone who makes my whole heart and soul light up. sounds cheesy but that really is how it felt. i cant imagine that happening more than once.

OP posts:
user1486956786 · 20/07/2017 12:17

My second love (my current) reminds me very of my first love. Not necessarily any better as a person but certainly much better timing.

I thought for four years I'd let my 'soul mate' leave my life and hated myself for so long, adamant no one would compare, then I met my second, and instantly forgot my first, that's how I knew he was to be my second love of my life .

WombOfOnesOwn · 20/07/2017 20:01

Sure. My ex was my best friend for 5 years before we ever got together. We talked about everything, all the time. We were ridiculously attracted to one another, the sex was good, we could talk for hours about anything.

After 3.5 years living together, I left because he couldn't get his drinking problem under control and I was scared of him. It was so hard -- all my family and friends loved him, he was the life of any party, and I couldn't imagine having a similar level of connection with anyone else.

When I met my now-DH, it was like a bolt from the blue. Sparks flew immediately, we fell in love within a week, now it's nearly five years later and we have a little boy and I've just found out I'm pregnant with our second child.

My husband is so much better than my ex that I feel silly for ever thinking it would be hard to get over the ex!

YetAnotherUser · 20/07/2017 20:08

My ex was a liar and a cheater and I couldn't stand her dishonesty, but I loved her deeply despite all her many flaws.

Some 4 years later I've been out with much much nicer women than her, but I'm yet to fall in love again.

redexpat · 20/07/2017 20:20

I was headvover heels for a guy who constantly gave mixed messages, was never going to commit to me and I thought my heart was breaking when he started seeing someone else. Dh doesnt make me come alive like the other guy did but theres no doubt in my mind that had we started seeing each other it would have been abusive at worse, unhealthy at best.

user1499590110 · 20/07/2017 21:35

thanku for the replies!!

OP posts:
OhHolyFuck · 20/07/2017 21:41

Not yet for me. I feel so emotionally broken by the ending of the relationship that quite honestly I couldn't imagine even wanting to be with anyone else yet, but then the thought of being alone forever makes me sad too
I miss just talking with another adult who cares about me

crazypenguinlady · 20/07/2017 21:46

Yes. I was with my ex on and off for 2.5 years. Adored the bones of him and first time I'd ever been in love. He made my stomach flip and thought we'd end up together properly. Until one day, a switch went off and I decided he couldn't offer me what I wanted.

A few months later, I met DP. I knew by the end of the first date that I'd found my life partner. Almost 3 years down the line and we have a lovely life together with a beautiful 5 month old son. He's a wonderful, generous, kind, caring man. We have our ups and downs but it's real and most importantly, we want the same things in life.

I actually met up with my ex as friends about 2 years ago and still in touch occasionally (DP knows and trusts me). Honestly, I'm glad things didnt work out. I realised I never would have had the life I wanted with him, and he still living a student lifestyle at 32.

MinnieSprinkles · 20/07/2017 21:49

This thread is amazing has given me hope thanks everyone for sharing your stories and op for posting.

user1499590110 · 21/07/2017 17:35

anymore?! :)

OP posts:
user1499590110 · 22/07/2017 12:34

anyone?

saturday blues...

OP posts:
IP1974 · 22/07/2017 12:45

Yes. I was with my ex for 7 years. Thought he was the one. He was not perfect and I left him in the end for various reasons. At 40 I was quite sure that was it for me. I spent over a year being on my own. One random night I was sat at home on my own watching crap telly and started a FB conversation with a distant friend. We're now 8 months in. I'm happier than ever. We have a lovely relationship, happy, healthy and relaxed. It's great and is actually helping me see everything that was wrong with my previous relationship

user1499590110 · 22/07/2017 13:16

IP1974 that's such a nice story! :)

OP posts:
IP1974 · 22/07/2017 13:57

Thanks OP. It's more lovely as I fancied the pants off him when I was an awkward shy teenager (everyone did to be fair!) When I met him I was half expecting arrogance. Couldn't have been more wrong. We've had very different lives but strangely similar in many ways too. Feels a bit like 2 sides of the same coin iyswim Grin

Neutrogena · 22/07/2017 14:42

Love changes as people change.
Sometimes we love so intensely it feels as if it will never be replicated.
However, after years/decades, how we view love changes, and thus we may never get 'back' the old feelings, but you have different ones instead.

WifeyFish · 22/07/2017 22:02

100% yes! In fact I actually wonder what I ever saw in "the love of my life".

WatchingFromTheWings · 22/07/2017 22:17

I was quite young getting together with the love of my life. Quite young still when we split. One marriage, 2 kids and a divorce later I'm back with the love of my life. We have 1 DC and recently got married.

Huskylover1 · 23/07/2017 15:40

Yes!

Married to first husband for 17 years (together for 20)

Then fell for someone else (who didn't love me back, mwahh)

Then met DH, who quite frankly is a better man than the first two, by miles. Not only is he more trustworthy, he is far more handsome!

Most people I know are on their second marriages. And they are going strong. I think first marriages are just a bit of practice Wink

TroubleinDaFamily · 23/07/2017 15:58

We had two great years and then he moved to London, stomach flips every time I saw him even after two years, I genuinely followed for work, shared a house with him and his brothers for a few months , watched him and his girlfriend be utterly besotted.

Moved out as soon as I could, kept in sporadic touch over the years, my effort not his.

In the early years I would have crawled over broken glass to get back to him.

Slowly I found my self worth and got on with it.

I am now married to a wonderful, kind, gentle man we have been together 27 years.

I have a wonderful son.

I have my own home, mortgage free (well 16 months left)

I drive

I have a great social life and group of friends at the club.

He in contrast has no relationship, no home, can not drive, still gambles.

I remember talking to him and saying sorry I need to go, I am collecting some of the other boys to take them to summer training at the club and then we are having a BBQ.
He said oh Fuck I want a piece of that, to which I replied as kindly as I could, you could have had it all with me, but you sneered at my desire to be settled down. He did have the good grace to say fair ennuf.

Fast forward a few years, after sporadic touch and he has a massive stroke just before Christmas, who did he want apart from his immediate family, eh ye............me.

It would appear I am never going to be totally free of him, but thank God I am connected to him from where I am, rather than ending up a transient girlfriend, living from paycheck to paycheck.

God that was long, but cathartic. Grin

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