Does your DP/DH kiss or cuddle his children?

[OhMyLordy]

And is affectionate with you too?....

Basically I'm trying to decide whether my partner I've been with for 4 years is an affectionate man or not....or whether he is but just isn't that bothered about being affectionate with me.

My DP doesn't really cuddle or kiss our DD, but he will "allow" it if she want to sit on his lap or jump on him on a Sunday morning in bed. But there doesn't seem to be any intent to be directly affectionate to her and I was wondering if that's normal for fathers. I'm hugely affectionate always kissing and cuddling my DD hence why I posted this as my perception may be skewed because of this.

DP is not overly affectionate with me, I don't think. We don't snog, it's just a kiss on the lips and that's it, never snogged. And often I ask for the kiss. Sex is often initiated by me, and it's very good but just wish he initiated it. He has always been that way, but I didn't really notice it until now. He slaps my bum when I walk past often, In the evenings, often I have to ask him to sit near me on the sofa. And often when we go out somewhere he will be walking ahead, while I'm trailing behind trying to catch up. He rarely walks side by side holding my hand. It feels like a closeness is missing.

Funny thing is, when I intentionally stop trying to get his attention he comes round me for cuddles. DP says he likes to show his love in "practical" ways like picking up a prescription for me or buying me a bottle of wine from the shop but I feel ever so lonely a lot. But am I imagining things or living in a fantasy world where I'm wanting what doesn't exist from a partner and father?

How affectionate is your DP/DH with your children and what kind of affection does he display towards you?

My DP is very affectionate towards dd. As soon as he gets home he picks her up and throws her up and gives her cuddles for most of the evening.
I'm not a very affectionate person towards dp, he is more so than me. But I would never walk ahead of him that seems odd. Have you ever asked him why he does that?
I grew up with a dad who didn't show us much affection and it has affected my relationship with him. Have you spoken to him about showing affection towards dd?

My ex is very affectionate to DC. When we were together we was pretty touchy feely though in an entitled sort of way, tbh. Grabby, and in public even. Not sure if it was always like that but it was at the end.

My DP is playful with the DC but doesn't know them that well so not really affectionate. He might tickle their toes to good-naturedly annoy them or make them laugh, that sort of thing. He is very, VERY affectionate to me, sexual as well, but much more so behind closed doors iyswim. Much less of a sense that he's entitled to anything.

Your DP sounds like he has avoidant attachment. It's not unusual or wrong, it's just a way of being like any other, but it can be hard on a person who is more secure (or anxious) in their attachment style. You might want to google "adult attachment", there are a lot of books on it.

Also, and I'm sure you've heard of this, but the 5 Love Languages might also give insights.

He says he likes to walk ahead so he can get a head start on the "route" we need to take. I'm not joking either unfortunately...but he never walks beside me, even in tescos or shops etc. He will be in another aisle and I'll be trying to find where he is. It's very frustrating, and he doesn't seem to explain why he does it very well. I've told him loads of times I'd really love it if he could walk with me but he never does. Ive grown to accept he does it, and just kind of push the trolley around the store on my own knowing he will find me at some point. That sounds absolutely bonkers doesn't it?

Thestamp, thank you I'm going to get that book now on Amazon.

My dad and my husband both do that annoying walking ahead thing so annoing !!!!

DH is very affectionate, to the children and me. He's always been that way But in the shop he'll always wander off and get sidetracked by gadgets/ DVDs/ whatever!

I cuddle both dd, and hold the younger one's hand when we're walking. My thirteen y/o won't allow me to now, but we used to.

Kissing is on the cheek with both kids. I tickle my youngest and still pick her up and pretend to throw her in the bath, clothed etc, and I hold her hand high so she can pirouette down the street whilst we're walking sometimes - that kind of thing.

Very affectionate with my DP too.

I went out with a lady after exW and I split and she wouldn't ever hold hands in public. She deliberately trailed back a metre or so which made me feel like I wasn't with her, which I hated. It's one of the reasons we're not together now.

My DH always walks ahead, never holds hand or shows affection in public and rarely at home. He sometimes shows the DC affection but as they're a bit older they find it annoying having him trying to grab them for a cuddle. Not a natural but a good dad. I sometimes find myself looking at other couples being openly affectionate and wishing that I had that in my life.. we get on (most of the time) and have been together 24 years, sex is still good otherwise I think the lack of attention would make me evaluate the relationship although actually writing this makes me realise that maybe I miss it more that I think.

DH isn't as affectionate as I am to the toddler who I simply adore to cuddle and kiss and blow raspberries on and snuggle. If DS asks for a pick up he will do so and he plays with him alot like row row row your boat etc.

We're equally affectionate with one another and hold hands etc but I did have an ex who literally couldn't hold my hand in public, wouldn't walk beside me. I knew he cared for me and was attracted to me but it was just his personality. However we split because he was a Dick - other reasons. Not sure how i'd have coped long term.

The problem is neither of you can do what the other one wants and be totally comfortable - so is there a compromise? Could get be more affectionate at home and you accept he won't do pea's for example?

DW and DDs walk much too slowly for me. Drives me bonkers. They need to stop and look at things!

It feels as though I am pulling them through treacle. But I do do cuddles.

My DP is very affectionate with our DCs and me, but he walks ahead of me a lot and it drives me mad. I often tell him off for doing it and he just responds that he walks fast.

If my husband kept walking ahead I'd fuck off into a shop or down a side street or sit on a bench and read my book. I couldn't be doing with that.

DH is very affectionate with us all. Much more than I am. I find it a bit difficult as I grew up in a very unaffectionate family.

He does often do the walking ahead thing though. I don't think he realises he is doing it he just strides off and I have to tell him off.

DP is so affectionate with all of us, loves kissing us all, hugs, squeezes.. it's lovely. He's made me more affectionate!
I don't get those people who think it's weird to kiss your kids

Dh is not an affectionate, touchy-feely kind of man normally but always gives the kids cuddles to the extent if one has hurt themselves they could easily go to either of us to, "have it kissed better."

Yes, as soon as he comes home he picks DD up for a cuddle and kiss and he gives me a hug and a kiss. When he's here (working away at the moment) he does bath and bed time for DD, and she will lay snuggled up with him for her story. A lot of his kisses/affection to DD are done slightly more playful, he always kisses her goodnight though and when he checks on her when she's sleeping he kisses her forhead.
With me he's affectionate, but it's difficult to describe. He's not really overly cuddly or kissy.
It's maybe more sexual but not overly so and not that he expects it to lead to that all the time or anything.
Holding hands we only really do if there's a chance of losing each other, gigs/festivals that kind of thing or when I'm drunk and wearing heels.
He does have a tendency to walk of in front of me though and I have to remind him my legs are shorter than his!!!

My ex is the opposite, completely overboard with physical affection. He kisses, cuddles, picks up our DS constantly- even when he's had enough and then DS gets upset, then ex gets upset... it's draining. He was the same with me when we were together.

I think most people fall somewhere in the middle of smothering and cold though.

Oh and the walking ahead thing is awful OP, it's like you don't exist.

DH isn't particularly demonstrative, but that's just his way and how his family are. I know he adores me and our children & I don't need him to be physically affectionate to demonstrate that. I suppose I'm quite reserved as well, but I am more affectionate than he is. He's a great dad and our DC adore him, even though he's not much of a cuddler.

He does have a habit of wandering off in shops though & the family joke is that he's always getting lost.

My DH is very affectionate to 3yo dd - although he has recently stopped blowing raspberries on her tummy, because she told him she didn't like it. I think that's the right balance.

We are less affectionate to each other than we used to be, but still cuddle, hold hands, kiss etc. I think it is easy to forget that sort of thing when you have been living together for ages. I am the one who always wanders off in shops though, and sometimes do the walking ahead thing by accident when dh is holding dd's hand. Its accidental though; I just get lost in my own thoughts and forget to walk slowly.

Yes my DH is very affectionate with both our children. Our son (3) is much more of a mummies boy, and to get affection my DH makes jokes with him (like squeeze games that my son gets in fits of giggles and ends up just a big cuddle, and pretending not to like kisses so my son will chase him).

I'm lucky to get a hold of our daughter, she adores her dad and vice versa.

But I suppose that's the way my DH always was, he still gives his mum kisses (on the lips which we never do in my family) and hugs etc. He's never really changed, he's always been affectionate

Has your partner changed?

All the time. We are a very affectionate family on the whole. We sleep together most nights, and they are kissed and cuddles and generally adored by both of us.

We are less so with each other as that's just us, we hold hand, cuddle and the odd kiss but that's about it day to day.

@LexieLulu it's interesting what you said about DH kissing his mum. My DP doesn't go near his mother, he would never kiss her and he only cuddled her once when I asked him too (she had bought DD some school uniform). I think this is just the way he is....he has always been like this. But I don't think I've ever been truly loved by anyone (parents didn't love me) so I don't think I know what is the norm and what isn't.

well my son is only 3 months old but he and his daddy love lots of kisses and cuddles. DP is very affectionate towards me also but i not so much to him. i do not have this reservation with the baby though