my mum vs his parents

[cafcesque]

i am about to cry. my mum thinks my partner's mum and dad have taken me over. reasons:
they walk around my house like they own it (they do washing up, know where everything is etc drives me mad (we have a dishwasher and put things in the wrong place!!) but it keeps them out of my hair, they think they are being helpful)
they are always staying over (have stayed overnight a few times in the last 6 months - they live a train ride away and unfortunately can't drive)
they barge in without invite (they are always invited, unfortunately for me my partner doesn't always tell me till after he's invited them)

We have a dd aged 2 and they have definitely seen us more since she was born.

My mum doesn't believe in asking herself around, therefore doesn't, then gets upset if she is not invited.
We see her at least once a week.
We do nice things we her - go on day trips etc (can't do this with in-laws as there is not enough room in the car)

My mum wants to look after the baby more, but she has a bad back (fracture vertebrae) and poor eyesight. this is always overlooked and thinks that i have deliberately left her out of babysitting duties in favour of the in-laws. We went out for dinner on saturday and they baby sat, the last time we went out was april and my SIL babysat.

Mum takes everything they say to heart when in fact they elaborate on all their stories.
She says i turn down all her offers to help - i don't want any help. I'd rather do my own washing / ironing / cleaning etc. I am my own worst enemy as i have no time to do this as i also work mon-friday.

I feel rather depressed. sorry for random stream of this post.

Ah yes - jealousy.

You could take a photo of her and DGC when you go out on the day trips and print it out for an album/picture on the wall for her to look at and remember she was enjoying herself. Same with videos. It will also help show her that this is valuable to you, (and not having someone faffing around in your kitchen cupboards).

I don't think you will get anywhere going out of your way to invite her more than you do - it is a path to madness.

Thanks Terrylene its a good idea in theory except my mum refuses to be in any photograph!!

they are just different personality types, his mum and dad just get on with things. my mum was brought up not to push yourself onto people, plus she always has stories about friends who were always going round to daughters house uninvited and then them having a big falling out. she doesn't do this and we have still had a big fall out. so brilliant.

We have this problem.
My DP's want to see grandkids at least every few weeks and so visit regularly. They have always done babysitting (including overnight), nappy changing, help with the housework, do school runs, want to share holidays etc.

My MIL made it quite clear from day one that she wasn't going to babysit or do any kind of child-related job. Rarely comes to visit, and when she does she stays in all day and then has to go for a walk at 3.30 when the kids are about to come home.

DH feels like a guest in his mother's home and any visit is proceeded by weeks of texts to organise the smallest detail.
Whereas visits to my DP's are organised with...'I think we'll be out when you arrive, you've got a key, I'll leave bedding in the back room'.

Guess which grandparent feels left out of our lives.

Keep taking the photos of DGC for her whilst you are out and keep asking her - I would sneak a few too if DGC is on her knee or something.

It just goes to show that if you avoid something because you are scared of the consequences it doesn't stop it from happening!!

A friend has a MIL like this - who likes to stick firmly to social rules - she just gets on with it making sure things happen without pandering to whims - then she is friendly people person.

My DM was very jealous of MIL - I was just being the polite girl she brought me up to be - there were lots of other things going on too though.

Rarely comes to visit, and when she does she stays in all day and then has to go for a walk at 3.30 when the kids are about to come home.

LOL - my DP used to come and read the newspapers (DF had to go out at breakfast for them) all morning - couldn't do without them!

My parents do that too Terry - they take coming to see the children very literally, just look at them every so often :o (post babyhood anyway, my mother is a possessive loon if there is an immobile baby to be hogged). When my mother came to stay after dc2 was born she spent the getting up with the kids, breakfasting toddler, nappy changing and dressing hour locked in the family bathroom...