Feel bullied and don't know how to go forward.

[Lyingawake]

Split from ExH just over five years ago, finally nearly divorced now due to him dragging heels.
Have had various difficulties with contact he was arrested for drink driving with DC in car and subsequently lost his job. He and new partner verbally abused DC this all lead to me stopping contact gradually when DC were ready we rebuilt contact with a massive amount of effort from myself to make it work.
Contact stopped again last year as DC now 13 and does not want to go due to heavy smoking in house, Ex's partner is alcoholic who rants at DC and Ex EA DC as well. Safeguarding officer at school involved social services who support DC's decision and there is no court order.
Ex then went on text, email, phone rampage at me. On advice of SS I involved police who told any further contact would be harassment. He then went down the 'look I am being so reasonable' route with emails police told to stop and only contact solicitor.
He then started sending solicitor his demanding rants including that he wants a detailed breakdown of the plans for DC's summer, DC is 13.5 now and frankly doesn't know what their plans are from day to say.
Solicitor advised all about control and need to shut this down so wrote to Ex saying only instructed for financials.
Now I have had emailed demanding to know how he obtains info on DC. Currently he gets all school emails and speaks to DC on phone when they choose to answer phone.
There is no important info impart. Plus in email he rants on about how can he contact me without having unsolicited contact from police.

I feel bullied and worn down will he never stop. Any suggestions on how to shut down this without police or should I just contact the police again.
Thank you if you have got this far as you can guess I am lying awake worrying about this.

Block him from all current channels. Give him a new email address and only look at it when you feel up to it.

Always remember he acts like this because it's all he has. Would you trade places? Of course not.

I've had this for 10 years from my ex. He's a sad angry lonely frightened defeated idiot who has wrecked his life for drink. Start pitying him. It will make you feel so much stronger.

That's good advice, Mrs BB.

Block him, email contact only, and only look at his emails once a week. You could even ask a trusted friend to read the emails for you and to report back: "No, nothing much, just ranting, but he's going to send you XX for your child."

That sort of thing.

I'm so glad your DC has you to fight their corner. I hope you are taking good care of yourself, and treating yourself gently. You're good.

Why do you need to know how he gets info on the DC? I believe this is information he is entitled to as he retains his parental rights. That's not to say he can demand a day by day breakdown about the kids movements and plans from you, that's ridiculous but he is entitled to information from the school.

Disengage. Stop replying, change your contact details and just give him one way in.

My ex can contact me by letter. That's it. I reply to anything relevant once a month. I ignore anything malicious and answer only the relevant questions factually and briefly.

He accused me of turning the kids against him, that I'm a bitch, oh and what after school clubs are they doing. I just answer about the clubs. Engaging in debate with a fuckwit is a waste of time.

Good luck. I know how tiring this is.

OP isn't trying to stop him getting info. He is demanding she tell him how to get info. Because it is her job to be his PA. Natch.

I see. My mistake. Apologies Op.

TBH it sounds as though you can just ignore altogether.

Tell him you will no respond to emails as they are harassment. DS will inform him of things if he wishes.

Have you read up about grey rock technique?

MrsBB I recognise you from other threads would I be unreasonable to contact the police again as the agreement is not to contact me at all and he has sent an email.
He claims to be in regular contact with SS, but they have contacted me since October when they confirmed that they supported my decision to stop direct contact.
One of the tricky things in all of this is through out 5 years he has never taken one jot of legal advice so continues to believe that his way or the high way is totally reasonable.
Thank you all.

Block him from all current channels. Give him a new email address and only look at it when you feel up to it

You need to actually block him. Don't keep answering to tell him not to contact you. He loves the chance to get in a debate.

Ask your lawyer what information he is entitled to FROM YOU. Only answer this in emails and nothing more.

So if the lawyer says " you need to tell him when DC is going to a relative for the weekend but not who it is and the address" then do exactly that.

If lawyer says " you need to tel him that DC is away for the weekend " then do that only.

If he wants information about the school he needs to get that from the school .

Is is paying child support ?

You need to understand that this ISNT about his wish to know about his child. He doesn't care about that.

It's about continuing to control and abuse you.

He is not paying child support that is a long and complicated story that is being dealt with separately.

Why does that not surprise me ?

Strange than a father wants to know a blow by blow account of a child's time and yet CBA to make sure they are fed and clothed .

When you say " the agreement" what do you refer to? Don't recall earlier threads, has he had polic warnings before?

Sorry not my threads MrsBB, the police have visited Ex and advised him that any further contact would be harassment. He then attempted to do the whole my contact is terribly reasonable and forwarded emails to the police to show how reasonable he is. The police then reminded him that they had said no contact accept in an emergency, this is the agreement I was referring to sorry if i was not clear.

Yes, in that place talk to police.

You can get a non molestation order with a power of arrest attached. You can do this yourself for no cost. The forms can be downloaded from here. Fill them in and take them to the court yourself. When they're returned, one copy to you, one to the police, one to his solicitor. His solicitor will serve him with the papers. It can be written to include telephone, email and no social media contact. Good luck!

Absolutely report to the police!!!

It's more of an order than an agreement; he has been told not to contact you. He has ignored this. So he needs to be reported. It wasn't you telling him, it was the police. Let them deal with him.

So sorry you're being bullied, what a nasty shit