I will try and keep this as short as possible.
Bit of background info: been with partner for 3 1/2 years; he cheated last year visiting a prostitute, visited multiple strip clubs (fine with but lies couldn't handle), went out on boat where naked women were hired, went to party with work friends where naked women were hired. Did this for 6 months behind my back, had no idea. Also, this year he has visited Craigslist personals and messaged people for photos (including men), asked him to stop, he didn't.
Current problem. Just moved to new city. Only here temporarily as saving money to travel South America. We both wanted to make a good group of friends to socialize together with which we have. No problems there. However, his work friends he is very secretive about and rarely mentions any one he works with. Last night he went for drinks with work friends and I was home alone and asked if I could join, he said sure.
I felt completely uncomfortable and awkward. One girl was there who he has mentioned once saying she took all of his cigarettes at work. At the pub, she asked him to go for a cigarette with him, the two guys with us starting making eyes at each other as if to suggest there was something going on. Didn't freak out. Ignored it. As the night progressed she wouldn't leave him alone. She was all over him. She was telling him how much she liked him, how 'he's mine' and even saying I love you. She even offered to give him private lessons to improve his barista skills (they work at a bar together). The look they gave each other in that moment was undeniable chemistry. She only lives a few blocks away from us and instantly jumped on that telling him how he should come round hers etc. After leaving the pub she said she wanted to change her trousers and asked my partner if he wanted to come back with her and use the toilet. Obviously we all came.
The next issue was then one of the guys with us start interrogating me. He asked me why I always have to hang out with my boyfriend - I explained we socialize in a big group of people (boys and girls) and go out most weekends. He then said I am controlling and why isn't my boyfriend allowed to come out with him and the people they work with. FYI my boyfriend has never mentioned any invites to nights out with that group. We always go out every weekend socializing so it's not like we isolate ourselves. He asked me why I don't have friends. I do and I do hang out with my work friends but he seemed to have a problem with me hanging out with my boyfriend. Yet apparantly I'm not allowed to socialize with my boyfriend and his work friends (which includes girls, and the girl hitting on him) which to me doesn't make any sense!
Then this is the next one. He asked me 'are you dating anyone else'? WTF. I said obviously not, I live with my boyfriend. He looks straight at my partner and said that's all I need to know. He then goes on to tell me I should leave my boyfriend and I deserve to be treated better. It was the most awkward conversation I've ever had to be a part of. I felt so humiliated and ganged up on.
I spoke to my boyfriend about it and as usual he said I'm too sensitive, why does it matter etc. I also asked him if he had been bad mouthing me to this guy seeing as what he was asking me was completely out of the blue and random. He said he hadn't but obviously he has and I feel so disrespect and humiliated. It has never been an issue and we always have fun when we go out together and aren't attached at the hip.
I feel like I am on the verge of a break down! He constantly makes me feel crazy. Even though he acknowledged the girls behaviour was wrong he said I had to get used to it because he is a good looking guy and it happens. But for me, if its inappropriate he should stop it but he doesn't. He expects me to put up with it.
I genuinely believe something is going on with this girl. He said that was the first time he met her, yet seems to forget he has already mentioned her to me before when working with her. Yet he is adamant that was her first day at work (?!) yet she's been working there for two months.
I am scared that he has manipulated my mind to the extent where I feel like I really do see things/hear things/make stuff up. He constantly says this to me and I don't know whether he's right or not. He says I am far to insecure and I don't trust him. I feel like I have lowered my boundaries so much for him (his past infidelities) that when I ask him to make it clear to this girl that he isn't interested I feel like I am being so controlling and unreasonable.
Please, please can someone help me! I really am on the edge :(