Hi
I have just discovered that my boyfriend of 1.5 years has had sex with a previous work colleague and it's not the first time. I have had my suspicisons about him for a long time due to him being very secretive, things not adding up, seeing things on his phone, flirting with other girls in front of me... the list is endless. However this time I found a receipt with his card details on paying for an apartment for 1 night with a confirmation of the apartment details addressed to this girl. As you can imagine when I found this I was in bits, when I confronted him he denied it completely, even though I told him I had proof. Eventually after lots of crying he decided to admit that he did have sex with her and it didn't mean anything "she's just a cool girl" these were his exact words. This isn't the first time he's had sex with her either, although I didn't have solid evidence of the time before, I saw on his phone a few months ago where he text his mate and said that he shagged that girl from work a few months prior to that. When I confronted him about it, he said it was just lads banter and that he was only messing around.
What I can't get my head around is he's saying it didnt mean anything, that he loves me and he was stupid but he has gone back to her more than once. Ive asked so many questions whether he doesn't love me anymore, is she more attractive, is there any feelings there and although he's saying it didn't mean anything I can't help but feel that he must like her enough to continuously keep in contact with her and pay for an apartment to have sex with her.
It's also making me think that all the other times I had suspicions about him and he made me out to be crazy that I was right, more things have probably happened that I don't even know about
The whole thing has torn me apart and I just don't know what to do. I really do love him but I don't know how to get through this. I'm really struggling.
Any advice?!