split

[Nupro]

feel so bad, last week i was stressed and upset about personal things.
I went to a BBQ with my partner and one of his long time ago ex was there, it was his best mates mother ! She was so vile and she does not know I know he told me about it ages ago. She spoke to me and kept calling me the wrong name I felt insane and really insecure I don't know why this was years ago that he had his dalliance before he was even with me.... i got very drunk and woke up on the sofa at his house we have a house each and the BBQ was near his place. Apparently i said some disgusting things to him when we got back i really don't remember he said that I told him I had been in contact with my ex....i have not he said that I also told him he would never match up to him. I am so ashamed i have no recollection of any of this. We only booked a holiday two weeks ago now he says that he hates me and that I am dead to him, he also said that I had no idea how much he loved me but it was over. He will not speak to me i have emailed so many times saying how sorry I am he will not take my calls. I know he is not a bad man in fact he is amazing and a fantastic dad , it is me who has the issues. I get very anxious and don't communicate well. I am not normally jealous . he has started a new job and is working out of Town he returned back to his place on Friday and is out of town again on Monday for another two weeks. he has been under a lot of pressure with work . He said he has cancelled the holiday but I know he has not as I have checked so many times , I put it on my card but he is the lead passenger and the only one that can make changes. I have hurt him so badly I cant eat i have not eaten since Friday and I am not even hungry. I literally feel like I am dying . I can't go on like this. he has been hurt in the past and is very stubborn but also very loving. I am completely lost I don't remember saying those things but I know I must have. I have just sent him another long email saying how sorry I am I wonder if he will ever forgive me . Never felt so bad in my life what can I do?...I just posted this in the wrong place.

Hi OP. To be honest, you did a shitty thing but you were drunk. I know that's no excuse but we've all said things we don't mean or even nasty stuff when we've had one too many.
You have apologised to him several times now so I'm not that sure you can do any more than this.
Sorry to say, but it sounds to me like he's using this as an excuse to get out of the relationship.
Is there more to this? Have you done this before?

This has never happened before , I had not eaten all day and i had to drive his new car back from the city for him and i was completely stressed out. We have had a few spats but nothing like this we are usually very loving.He asked me to marry him the day after we booked the holiday two weeks ago. I think I am just going to close all my social media accounts and go off line. He has no idea about this site, it was the only place I could post with complete anonymity. I suppose if he loves me he will calm down but a week is a long time.

I would definitely take a step back now then. Let him calm down and hopefully he will come round. I don't think what you did was worth ending things over so if he does love you, he will forgive you. Good luck.