Ok I will try to be as brief as I can.
Been with DH 11 years, both age 30. Two kids age 7 and 2.
There have been many problems and issues but we've always worked through them and things were great until just after DD2 was born.
A lot happened in 2015. DH finally made a friend but the friend was a bad influence. He went from drinking very little to all of a sudden going out on the lash at weekends and rolling in at 3am or later, drinking at home, drinking at family meals etc. We got into tons of debt (my fault mostly) all of which resulted in us splitting up for a while but still living together. 2016 was off/on for the majority.
Things improved but hit a wall in Feb 2017. We'd had an argument over his drinking so he called the police and reported me for fraud (saying I'd got him into debt without him knowing, not true). He got aggressive and I left with the kids for 2 weeks. He then absolutely begged for me back, crying, pleading, promising he'd do anything. I'd never seen him like this before and I went back.
Things were good for a while, he stopped going out on the lash, made an effort with me and the kids, but slowly and surely it started dwindling, he started drinking more at home and went back to doing nothing with the kids at all. We had a row over him drinking and he called the police, who visited and saw nothing amiss so left again. DH alleged he hadn't had a drink but I can tell when he has, even one beer changes the way he acts. He's a nasty drunk. I threw him out and stupidly agreed to give him another chance.
We went on holiday last week and he did NOTHING with the kids, it was me going to the pool, doing every nappy, bedtime etc. I was up all night every night with DD2 as she was napping late, and DD1 playing up. I even had food poisoning and still did everything whilst he had a full night's sleep and a lie in every night! He ignored DD2 when she was having a tantrum and left me to deal with her each time. He was moaning every time she cried or had a tantrum, making comments like "ffs shouldn't have bothered" etc. He spent all holiday drinking and was drunk/tipsy every day except for 2 (as we had a car those days). One day he was so drunk he was throwing up everywhere. He tried to tell me it was something wrong with the cocktail but in reality he'd had too much to drink and had been refusing to eat all day (incase it sobered him I suppose!) I had BOTH kids on the flight there AND back, it was really hard work!
Then we get home and Thurs night DD1 was playing up. She has this behaviour where she screams the house down over silly things (blocked nose, nightmare when she's not even been asleep yet, can't sleep, moth in her room etc) and I mean SCREAMS. I go to her to avoid DD2 being woken up, but then she won't let me leave the room. If I try she starts screaming. She'll also scream OWWW for no reason like she's being killed. She's done this for over 4 months now and most nights of the week, sometimes I'm awake 22 hours a day. Coupled with her revolting attitude and talking to me like shit and it's exhausting! I'm ashamed to say I have lightly smacked her a few times. Not hard, and I think I was more upset than she was! I've vowed never to do it again. I think I was just so tired and fed up it just happened, no excuse and I hate myself for it. It will never be happening again. DH has also lightly slapped her, but that thursday he hit her so hard there was a very clear handprint on her thigh. It did fade quickly but I was horrified. I yelled "get off her!" because I didn't like the way he hit her. He then got aggressive, called me a vindictive bitch and said the only reason I'd yelled is so that the neighbours called the police and he got arrested!!! Nobody called the police but DH said HE was going to?!!!
The next night I stayed in a hotel with the kids, sent DH an email detailing his behaviour on holiday, the way he slapped DD and basically the fact he does SFA and I literally do it all. Yes he works full time and I don't, but when he gets home he does nothing. At weekends he has a lie in and does nothing. And I mean NOTHING. He has bathed DD2 once in her life and she's 2! Never ever done a bedtime or cleaned or cooked or anything! I told him he had til noon the next day to leave (saturday). Came home saturday at 11am and he was in bed so I told him to his face to leave.
Came home at 9pm and he was still in bed. DD2 was poorly so I asked him to get up so she could come in bed with me. He ignored me. He set his phone up videoing the room for "evidence". I don't want to be recorded in my own home!!!! I slept on the landing outside DD2s room as I was worried about her cough. He has stayed in bed the whole time, not once getting up or coming downstairs. He has work tomorrow and I shall be throwing his stuff out then. I also have a meeting with the police over him slapping DD that hard.
What worries me is this:
- What if he tries to snatch DD2 from nursery? He might do this out of pure spite if he thinks he has nothing to lose.
- What if he makes up lies and calls social services to have the kids taken from me? He often used to record me telling off DD1 and said it was "evidence"!
- I am a sole tenant so I can kick him out but what if he tries to smash back in?
Our neighbours are very posh and look down their nose at us as it is, if we start having police turning up etc. I can see them complaining to the landlord! Bare in mind they've been listening to DD1 screaming for months!
DH often says I'm mental, and he makes me question my own sanity. He says he doesn't drink much but I think he has a problem. 2 years ago he might have a pint a month, MIGHT. Now he has 2-3 pints at every family meal (instead of pepsi like before), drinks at home at the weekend and sometimes during the week, goes to the pub at lunch and/or after work during the week too. It's not just how often or how much he drinks, it's the way he gets so nasty after even one drink! Then he calls me mental saying I go moody if he drinks and I control him.
He is a good man in many ways, he looks after the car and renovated our old house all by himself. He earns good money and pays for everything.
I question though - am I mental? Is his drinking normal? Is his holiday behaviour normal or am I overreacting?
I'm worried about him being suicidal - last year he bought a gas mask to kill himself as I was leaving him, it was only by chance I found out after snooping on his emails - he says I'm controlling by snooping but I knew something was off!
He's now just come downstairs and is sat in the other lounge in silence - I wonder if it's so I can have the bed or maybe he's just fed up of being in bed all the time.
I don't know what to do! I feel guilty!