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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Shouldn't I be sad?

15 replies

ApparentlyHeartless · 16/07/2017 20:48

Ex has been out of the house for three days. I drove him to his mother she after another stupid temper tantrum ruined a day out for the dc.

I was expecting by now to be sad, maybe even a little regretful.

I don't feel sad. Most of the time I feel elated. I thought I'd been depressed for years, but these last w days I've been my old self again. Family have noticed and commented on how much happier I seem.

I can listen to what music I like without being told my taste is shit, I can watch what I want on the TV, I can talk to family (no friends left) on the phone without being interrogated afterwards to check it wasn't a man.

The children are happy, they laugh now in the mornings instead of tiptoeing around, he was so grumpy in the morning.

I never even realised I was walking on egg shells, but the relief I feel now is incredible.

Ex is very angry. I'm not sure why this level of rage directed at me is fair. He says I'm unfeeling and he can't believe I've cut him off so completely.

Even though I have said he can see and have the dc whenever he wants, he keeps coming up with excuses why he can't have them right now and his family keep sending me horrible messages. I've never cheated on him and I haven't left for another man.

Sorry if this feels a bit rambling, I'm slowly coming around to the idea that I was a lot more miserable than I thought previously. I was even due to receive counselling, I thought it was due to miscarriages I've had but since he's been gone it's like a black cloud has lifted!

Is there something wrong with me?

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 16/07/2017 20:50

No! You are now liberated. Congrats!

Ekphrasis · 16/07/2017 20:53

Nothing wrong with you! You're normal, human and now happy!

Lots wrong with him, clearly...

onthewagonwheel · 16/07/2017 20:56

Bravo apparently! Carry on enjoying and don't look back. 👏🏼

ApparentlyHeartless · 16/07/2017 20:57

Thanks, silly as it sounds, after they had a go at me I did start to wonder.

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 16/07/2017 21:01

Its pretty liberating when you realise you have started on the path to starting over afresh, exciting times ahead, opFlowers

Grooves · 16/07/2017 21:04

Well done! You should be so proud. You're a strong lady, that's defo something to be proud of!

Keep it up, ignore the messages and enjoy all this new freedom.

😘

ApparentlyHeartless · 16/07/2017 21:07

I am enjoying it 😁

Me and the dc have been out and about, and have seen more people that we had in this last year, in only three days!

I am having trouble coming to terms with how clueless I've been!

OP posts:
LuxuryWoman2017 · 16/07/2017 21:24

You're in exactly the same boat as me, it's wonderful!
How great you're free.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 16/07/2017 21:28

Enjoy your new found freedom ( emotionally as well as physically)... He's probably pissed off because he's not in control of you anymore and was just expecting you to " roll over" like a good girl....all I will say from bitter experience is no mater how he pleads, abuses, cajoles, cries and / or ignores,men like him never ever change....you found the courage to kick him out, I wish you all the courage in the world to remain strong and keep him out ...much love and good wishes to you and your children xxx

ApparentlyHeartless · 16/07/2017 21:31

I have absolutely no desire to let him back in, he keeps trying to get in to collect his stuff. He was furious when I said it's all neatly packed and ready to be taken up by my father.

It feels so great, I can't ever imagine willingly going back to that.

I had a little pang at first when dd asked where he was. I just told her he loved her and was living at Nan's for now. She seemed happy with that.

OP posts:
dunderheid · 16/07/2017 21:40

Congratulations! What a brilliant role model you are being for your DD. Never settle for a shitty relationship. Life's too short.

Purpleball · 16/07/2017 21:46

Well done!

Remember this feeling if you're tempted to feel sorry for him, or take him back

Desmondo2016 · 16/07/2017 21:58

I was you! I had energy and I felt the black cloud was gone. Bravo!

ApparentlyHeartless · 16/07/2017 22:11

Desmondo2016 that is exactly the feeling!

OP posts:
AufderAutobahn · 16/07/2017 22:14

Well done OP! You have totally done the right thing, you have no reason to be sad! 😀

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