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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Head in sand

2 replies

CClarence84 · 16/07/2017 19:20

I've been married for 12 years and feel like my relationship is over.
We married young after falling pregnant and the relationship was always a little unbalanced ( I was at uni and poor he was working and earning a good wage) As soon as I could I returned to work with friends helping with childcare and me returning the favour so they could work.
DH is rather selfish when it comes to money and lives out with out means, spending cash on his hobbies and not saving anything for a "rainy day' we recently had to borrow money from his parents to pay off debts, he told me he could no longer afford to give me housekeeping money (150 per month) as he was paying back his parents, and I would have to contribute to paying them back £150 per month, I've since discovered he's only paying them back 340 per month so essentially I'm paying back the loan!
He is away for two weeks on a holiday wirh his golf friends while I'm at home struggling to plan holiday activities with our child that don't cost too much cash.
I don't feel like I can talk to him due to his mental health issues but I'm so hurt and just at a loss as to what to do

OP posts:
Collidascope · 16/07/2017 23:41

So he's in debt but has gone away on a two-week holiday with friends, leaving you to do childcare? He sounds like a gem.
What do you get out of the relationship? Does he have good points? Is it the kind of relationship you'd want your child to have when she or he gets older, as kids tend to absorb the messages their parents are giving them about relationships?
Also, what mental health issues does he suffers from? If it's got to the point where you're unable to challenge him on anything because of how he'll react, that suggests he's either using emotional blackmail to keep you compliant or his mental health is genuinely bad and he should be seeking help. Either way, you don't have to put up with it. It's not your job to fix him, whether he's mentally ill or spoilt and selfish or both.

pinkyredrose · 16/07/2017 23:46

do you want to stay with him? if I was you I'd go and speak to his parents, find out what he's really borrowed.

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