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Relationships

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Original poster

Did anyone meet their DP after they gave up looking?

31 replies

FindingJessica · 16/07/2017 18:59

Just that question really.

I've met a few men who have asked me out in real life (but I've not been interested in them) and done some OLD which isn't really my thing. I don't think I'm really interested in actively 'looking' anymore so just wondering what the chances of me just meeting someone in my everyday (fairly active and varied) life will be in my 40's?

OP posts:

StormFrontage · 16/07/2017 19:01

Yes. Late 40s. A friend introduced us and it was an actual moment.

laGrosellaEspinosa · 16/07/2017 19:06

Wow, StormFrontage, that is a heartening story. 47, two years of OLD under my belt. Ten years single. (a few doomed flings mind you). I would love to believe it can happen. People often write and say ''it'll happen when you're least expecting it'' well it didn't. And then they say ''you have to make it happen!'' so I tried, and it didn't! I haven't given up entirely and luckily I'm happy in my own skin and not horribly lonely (although I do have reservations about a future alone). Sorry for hi-jacking OP.

I don't think OLD is for me either because the men I could (if I got to know them, and if I liked them) aren't attracted to me. The only men who have put in any effort at all either had a tooth missing or were very overweight and I just didn't feel I could............ you know. Complete mismatch. No overlap. Ever.

Anything I genuinely enjoy is quite female-orientated.

user1488575338 · 16/07/2017 19:07

I have met men just really randomly, one particular one who I thought (and still do to some extent) could be my happy ever after, it didn't work out though. Old isn't my thing either really but I'm giving it another go.

2catsandadog · 16/07/2017 19:09

Yup. I swore off men and then my DH wandered into my life. That was nearly 23 years ago...

StormFrontage · 16/07/2017 19:14

It's weird, isn't it? It really was totally unexpected. Even our friend was surprised.

We hope to move in together and maybe get married when all our DC have properly flown the nests. Meanwhile we are very happy to have weekends and other times.

Not always easy, but life never is with teenagers, exams and stuff.

Mum4Fergus · 16/07/2017 19:18

Totally...had a 17yr and a 7yr relationship (resulting in DS now 8) under my belt...46 and all but given up. My friend asked me along to a gig with her as she the hots for the bassist lol they didn't hit it off, but 2.5yrs later and I'm still with the drummer-getting married next year

Barbaro · 16/07/2017 19:40

I never was looking for another guy after my ex because of how badly it ended and how he treated me.

But then my new boyfriend just kind of walked into my life and after we spent time together as friends we just became a couple. At times it still feels weird that we are together, I get moments where I just think 'how on earth did I get to this point' but in a happy way if you know what I mean.

Moanyoldcow · 16/07/2017 19:45

Kind of, although I was still quite young. I had spent my early twenties on terrible men and had terrible self esteem. No one ever seemed to like me and I was utterly done with blokes.

I decided to join a new hobby (something I'd been interested in for years but had no confidence in).

Met him first day, friendship grew to more.

We're now married, been together 12 years, have 2nd DC on the way and the hobby prevailed for over 8 years until DC1 arrived.

TheDuckSaysMoo · 16/07/2017 19:53

Me too. I remember the specific decision to give up - I was walking across Chelsea Bridge one morning. My now DH popped into my life within a year through work - like a lightening bolt.

I don't think there is any link between the decision and meeting dh but I certainly made the intervening time more enjoyable.

greenlizard · 16/07/2017 19:56

I hadn't given up entirely but was taking a break from the exhaustion of OLD and blind dates when I went to a colleague's leaving do. I was 41 and had been single for most of my 30s. He was also 41 separated with 2 kids. We are now 48, have managed to pop out two babies to go with the teenagers and are getting married in December. When I met him - we both felt easy and natural together - like we fit..and I fancied the pants off him.

laGrosellaEspinosa · 16/07/2017 19:59

So nice to know it can happen.

laGrosellaEspinosa · 16/07/2017 20:01

Can I ask, tell me honestly, are you all very pretty? I am not unattractive but I'm juuuust on the right side of average. I can't weep at being 'so' unattractive I guess but I do not stop traffic.

Sn0tnose · 16/07/2017 20:01

Pretty much. I'd resigned myself to either being with a nice man who I didn't really click with, or a lying, cheating rat bag who I fancied rotten. Neither option was working out particularly well.

And then I met DH old and now I have the best of both worlds. From reading accounts on here though, I've been exceptionally lucky with old and have made a few good friends.

MmmMalbec · 16/07/2017 20:02

Yeah, I'd been going out a lot but just meeting the wrong kind of person, I tried speed dating and online dating and just ended up feeling really down. So I decided to give it up and join some classes and keep busy. Then I met DH at work. He always said he didn't know if I was interested because I wasn't too enthusiastic. Far cry from the previous few months when I'd been trying so hard when it clearly wasn't going to work with totally unsuitable people!

Good luck!

laGrosellaEspinosa · 16/07/2017 20:03

.... and the reason I ask that is not low self-esteem. Rather the opposite. I know there's nothing wrong with me and all of the usual wisdom peddled out is to find yourself, love yourself, grow comfortable in your own skin, embrace your independence, make friends, get hobbies, and yes, tick, tick, tick, tick........... so I'm not sitting here thinking oh nobody could love me because I'm ugly. I'm just wondering are you ladies with success stories unusually attractive. Maybe it wouldn't help me to know that!

Notreallyarsed · 16/07/2017 20:04

Yes!!! Escaped abusive marriage, was quite happy on my own with DS1, no men, no dates, nothing for 4 years. Met DP at a friend's house (her BIL) and my jaw dropped. 6 (bloody happy) years and two more kids later I'm glad I did. He ain't perfect but he's as close as dammit and he accepts me for who I am (severe mental health, ASD) and we love each other deeply. We're also best friends (boak I know but it's true) and he makes me laugh like nobody else I've ever met. He's everything I would have wanted in a partner, and I wouldn't have given up being single for anybody but him.

Sn0tnose · 16/07/2017 20:04

Can I ask, tell me honestly, are you all very pretty? God no. Average at best. And a bit alternative as well, so certainly not everyone's cup of tea.

StormFrontage · 16/07/2017 20:05

laGrosella, No, not exceptionally pretty - but OH thinks I am

Notreallyarsed · 16/07/2017 20:05

laGrosellaEspinosa nope, I'm wee, fat, have wonky teeth and was wearing joggers and a cardigan (I know, I was hungover) when I met DP. And he's that guy that women do a double take over, especially when they see him with me! I do like looking smug

Original poster

FindingJessica · 16/07/2017 20:20

Oh such wonderful stories, even if I never meet someone all your stories have put a smile on my face. Thank you so much.

OP posts:

TheCuriousOwl · 16/07/2017 20:20

Had way sworn off men and was working flat out, 2 jobs at once when I finally got together with my mate who I'd always said I'd never get together with! Been together better part of a year now and we both talk in terms of this is it- I've never been happier. Never thought it would happen to be honest.

Barbaro · 16/07/2017 20:38

lagrosellaespinosa I don't think I am very attractive but my boyfriend thinks I'm perfect. The right person will make you feel beautiful anyway.

laGrosellaEspinosa · 16/07/2017 20:41

Thank you x

Beachbaby2017 · 16/07/2017 20:43

I wouldn't say I'd given up looking, but I was starting to wonder if I should resign myself to something less than what I hoped for (makes me sad to write that now), and at the same time I was making some big changes in my life that were very much about me and really positive - looking to change location and maybe go back to school, finally getting help with depression, etc.

I met my now DH on a camping trip, totally out of the blue, and that was it, we both knew right away. This relationship was so worth holding out for and I'm so glad I never stopped believing I could have a healthy and fulfilling relationship - that belief was what kept me single in some sense, because I didn't want to be in a relationship that didn't feel right.

This was all in my twenties, I know it's different if you're older, but I'm sure there are some things that are the same too.

And no I'm not exceptionally pretty!

TheDuckSaysMoo · 16/07/2017 23:14

Grosella, I'd put myself at juuust the right side of average too.

I take back my last comment that i dont think the decision to stop looking for a man and finding dh were linked. The decision came along with a greater confidence in myself as a whole - rather than someone who had to be validated by a relationship.
I find that an attractive quality in a person so maybe other's are attracted to that too.

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