There are also nice men out there.

[user1497357411]

Occasionally I will see posts, where people wonder if all mumsnetters have crappy husbands or partners, at there are so many complaints about them. No, we don't it is just that it is kind of boring to read about other people's nice husbands. So anyway: my husband is really lovely. He does have flaws just like everybody else, but the total sum of him is: Lovely. One of my friends mentioned that I am always saying: "What I really like about DH is.... " and then it is something different I mention every time. And he also thinks I am lovely, so we are lucky people. See? Boring to read about.

Unfortunately far too many women are waiting for prince charming to sweep them of there feet and this is the reason so many are lonely and unhappy. With the popularity of online dating sites it is easy for men to get what they are looking for. Women need to drop there expectations, the days of Prince charmings are long gone.

What horrifies me is there's no way of telling what someone will do a few decades down the line.

I built my life and family on the foundation of my marriage to a very nice man, got the "I don't love you anymore, bye" after 17 years, and found myself absolutely cast adrift. It was really out of character, no signs I could've picked up on.

I'm sure his new girlfriend thinks he's a nice man too...

My DP is simply the nicest, kindest, loyalest, funniest, most talented and sweet person I know.

DH is a lovely man. Great Dad, pulls his weight about the place, ticks all the boxes. I wouldn't ever presume that those factors mean our future together is guaranteed, though, and would laugh at anyone's suggestion that "Oh mine would NEVER cheat" because you really just don't know. I hope for the best, I put my heart and soul into our marriage and life together. But never assume anything because even the very best sorts of people manage to fuck it all up spectacularly sometimes and - for me - I carry an insurance policy in the form of a Fuck You Fund so that if he ever revealed himself to be an utter dick I could do what I needed to do to survive without him. I refuse to be tied to anyone in life but for the very best of reasons.

DH knows about the FU Fund and says I'm batshit for having it, but also fully understands that til the day I die I'll keep it, just in case. My Dad always drilled it into me that Prince Charming couldn't do half the shit a woman on her own could. It stuck with me; I'm with DH because he is incredible, not because he can do incredible things.

For some reason I'm finding this thread faintly annoying, but maybe that's because I'm well on the way to becoming a washed-up, embittered old cat lady.

I'm reminded of that famous Oscar Wilde aphorism: 'It's absurd to divide people into good or bad. People are either charming or tedious.'

After a shitty relationship with a very controlling and occasionally violent ex, I lost all hope in ever being happy with anyone. Now, 8 years after plucking up the courage to leave, I'm married to the most amazing man. Kind, compassionate, supportive, funny, gorgeous... I could go on all day
I adore him.

Whoooo you've got a great attitude. My experience makes me frightened for all the women who'd be up poo creek if it all went wrong.

Love Oscar Wilde. But don't they also say "beware the charming man"? Don't want tedious, so it's a good thing I like my own company. Actually, living with another single mum would be best of all.

I haven't seen that O.W. play how seriously that character is meant to be taken, so don't know but the whole conversation looks rather interesting. Seems I'm a Lord Darlington :) hope he is not too much of an ass.
books.google.de/books?id=6AakCJcec54C&lpg=PA168&dq=%22People%20are%20either%20charming%20or%20tedious%22&hl=de&pg=PA168#v=onepage&q=%22People%20are%20either%20charming%20or%20tedious%22&f=false

You see, saying "some men are good" is not something I find very positive. I realise it is meant well, and intended to mean "raise your standards" probably, but it does sound to me like it is saying that most men are bad, or at least you really have to search for a decent one. And that once you have done a Bad Thing (or are just born Bad, perhaps?), you are forever bad, eternally reviled, a worthless piece of shit.

oops, that Yoda speak should have said "so don't know how seriously that character is meant to be taken" :)

I sometimes think that part of the problem is that some of the bad characteristics of many men are the flip side of certain 'good' male characteristics that women have been socially conditioned to find attractive. A stereotypical example of that being "He is strong, looks after me and treats me like a princess", which is only a nudge away from "He likes to know where I am at all times and doesn't think I should go out with my friends".
It's not that good men turn into bad nen. It's that bad men are not always immediately recognisable as such. And some women are willing to turn a blind eye to potential red flags because 'apart from that, he's lovely' or 'He really loves me'.

All women, and all men, who want a relationship have to turn a blind eye to potential red flags of some kind because otherwise they would not find a single partner.

Just saw a sketch by a local comedian which went something like this:

Voiceover: Jane fell in love with a man because he was reliable and dependable.
Jane: He's always there when he says he'll be there! He's never late! I can trust him completely! I love him!
Voiceover: Jane fell out of love with a man because he was reliable and dependable.
Jane: He's so predictable and inflexible! I hate him!

Voiceover: Jane fell in love with a man because he was creative.
Jane: He's so original and imaginative! You never know what's going to happen next! I love him!
Voiceover: Jane fell out of love with a man because he was creative.
Jane: He's so unpredictable and unreliable! You can't plan anything! I hate him!

Turn a blind eye to minor foibles yes, but I wouldn't call all foibles red flags. To me over-protectiveness is a red flag. Being reliable and dependable might be potentially boring but isn't a red flag.

It's just usually not clearcut, is it? A lot of the things that led to my ex cheating on me and treating me nastily in the process are things which I put up with as a minor flaw, or was even happy about, as they made him attractive. His naturally thick skin, for example, is something I envied him; I wanted it to rub off on me. He was oblivious to others' rudeness, it was like water off a duck's back. It got him ahead at work, as he believed in himself and didn't listen to criticism. Later he used that ability to completely ignore and deny his own bad behaviour; he just didn't see what he didn't want to see.

I know a man who is utterly, utterly dependable to the woman he is seeing. He dotes on her. She only has to THINK of something she needs or wants or would like, only has to mention something that needs doing, and he's there for her even though he lives 80 miles away. He gets on well with her child, very supportive, really couldn't be a more caring or supportive partner. It must be like feeling the sun come out being cared for so comprehensively and thoughtfully. She had a health scare a few weeks ago and he was there by her side no matter what.

Unfortunately he was SUPPOSED to be helping his son with his A-Level revision (80 miles away) and is neglecting and rejecting his children while he is being like this with the woman. It's like he just can't be this wonderful person for more than her and her child. Not even his own children.

And very sadly, he carries masses of damage from his own father doing exactly the same thing to him when he was a child. Why he can't see that he's repeating this and causing the same damage I don't know.

So for this woman, I think he really is a lovely, lovely man - I'm sure you couldn't fault him. But that's not the whole story, at all.

I could add to the ops thread---- who do crap things !!