Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do you do...

15 replies

Oakmaiden · 16/07/2017 17:12

when you suddenly realise your husband of 20 years has political and social views you find abhorrent?

And that he dismisses everything you believe as twaddle?

And that he is sat downstairs engaged in a rant with your rather bigoted father and they appear to be egging each other on?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2017 17:22

The way he is treating you makes me say you should tell him to rant his ass all the way out of your house. He could live with your dad. They sound perfect for each other.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 16/07/2017 20:26

It isn't so much that I say "I think this" and he says "that is twaddle". It is more... say if I believe Front doors look best painted black, but have never discussed it with him... he will announce that only (insert derogatory comment) paint their front doors black.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakmaiden · 16/07/2017 20:29

Today the conversation between my father and husband has covered: the slave trade, Muslims, feminism and transgender issues. And the fact that all that is wrong with this country is the fault of the "lefties".

My views are very different to theirs. And I am looking down a tube into a future where my husband who has always seemed very well read and measured is going to start reading the Mail and the Express to help him form his opinions...

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 16/07/2017 20:32

Have you never discussed your political and social views prior to now? Seems odd to marry someone without understanding who they are.

Justhadmyhaircut · 16/07/2017 20:32

Sneak out to the pub?

PolarisStar · 16/07/2017 20:33

I have similar issues with my DF. Its excruciating when me and DP visit/meet up with my parents, as we have polar opposite views... No advice but feel your pain.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 16/07/2017 20:34

I agree that it's odd it's taken you 20 years to find this out.

If you have only just found out and his views are as awful as you say, then I would have no choice but to leave. I wouldn't be able to stay married to someone like that.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 16/07/2017 20:38

Well, yes we have discussed our views. But we have been married 20 years, and I guess people change.

He actually votes Lib Dem, and always has. I don't have a problem wit that - I have been known to vote Lib Dem on occasion. But the little opinions he used to hold that used to make me raise my eyebrow a bit how now become firmly entrenched views. He hates the idea of feminism, for example. When we met he used to be all "but what about the menz..." but now it is a firm disdain. He curls his lip at the idea of Jeremy Corbyn and the left of Labour - while knowing full well I voted labour. He will quote articles at me giving me "facts" about how feminism is wrong, and how Muslims are posing a real danger to the fabric of our society, and I just don't recognise him any more...

OP posts:
emilybrontescorset · 16/07/2017 20:39

How come you have only just discovered this op?
Has your dh been pretending to hold the same views as you?

PolarisStar · 16/07/2017 20:43

Media seems to have brainwashed a lot of people who weren't always like this, or perhaps they are more brazen about it now?

emilybrontescorset · 16/07/2017 20:45

Sorry cross posted op.
He hates feminism! Fuck me, sorry op but I knew from the onset that my dp is a feminist and that we hold the same political and social beliefs.
I have also told him straight that I could never be friends with people who hold certain views,
I know this isn't helpful to you but I strongly believe it's better for like minded people to be together.
Perhaps you were blindsided all those years ago by other qualities your dh had.

Crumbs1 · 16/07/2017 21:02

Well lib dem is hardly an extremist organisation. Tuition fee debacle was poor judgement but overall Clegg seems nice enough - and I tend to Labour but from a non Corbynyte mould.
Does he read Daily Fail by any chance? You should ban it in the house as sadly it has done untold damage to the very fabric of society.

isitjustme2017 · 16/07/2017 21:08

Hi OP. My ex became like this and it was one of the many nails in the coffin of our relationship. I'm pretty sure my ex used to make controversial comments, just to get a rise out of me. He used to moan about all the 'foreigner' in the doctor's waiting room and clearly had an issue with immigration. He even hinted at wanting to vote for UKIP!!! I was with him 16 years and he never used to be like this. I never really knew if he was trying to wind me up or not. I used to just ignore him.
He also took great delight in slagging off female drivers (only in front of me though).
I got rid of him.....

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 16/07/2017 21:09

I am struggling to know what to do or say...

He doesn't read much mainstream media, in fairness, but he quotes studies he has read about in articles at me and then when I go away and check the actual study it doesn't quite say what he thinks it does. But he refuses to accept that, as he has "done research into it".

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakmaiden · 16/07/2017 21:11

Crumbs - I like the Lib Dems. I think they did the best they could and acted as far as they could in what they felt was the best interests of the country.

It is the curled lip when he saw a "Vote Labour" poster in our neighbours window that worried me, for example...

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page