Dating Monotony...?

[ScouseBird8364]

So I've been dating a guy for almost 2 months now (from OkCupid) - he's great, lovely, decent guy - accepts my 3 kids, he has 2 - accepts my time constraints with the kids and lack of childcare etc.

Anyway, most of our dates consist of him coming to mine, to have a drink & watch a film, which he says is fine but I'm truly concerned he will become completely bored of this and therefore become fed up with me

I have no childcare (kids don't go to their dads) so really do struggle.

Where do you guys tend to go / what to do, when you are in the early stages of dating? x

To be honest, I think that set up would suit most men just fine.

1st impressions are to quick to soon for meeting kids and coming round.
However you are there now. So how about picnics, walks, playdates.
If you can arrange babysitting then a least a romantic dinner is deserved.

noego, I've literally had no other option - it's dating at my place or no dating whatsoever!

Seriously. No options???

It sounds like he's not that bothered tbh. Most men at the start (and 2 months is really the start) will make a bit of effort to impress a woman they are keen on by organising an actual date - what that is depends on the woman (different people are impressed by different things - eg. anything from cinema/theatre/Michelin starred restaurant to a grungy gig or down the pub or going for a hike in the country).

If he's not making an effort now, it's probably not going to happen. If you are happy it doesn't matter. It's interesting that your concern is him getting bored and not you being dissatisfied.

If you are dissatisfied, then you need to stop this happening much earlier next time.

There is a great line in that book about how to deal with bad boys (can't remember title - it's smthing like the Man Manual) that says men are like dogs in terms of dating behaviour - if the dog has got used to jumping on the bed and sleeping there, it is almost impossible to train the dog to stop doing it - whereas if the first time it happens you stop it, it's much easier to train the dog. I know that sounds sexist - but honestly I think it applies to women, children, dogs, all humans. Basically, ingrained behaviour is hard to alter but if you nip it in the bud early you never have a problem.

*Ebaygum haha, I think you have the wrong end of the stick, he IS the one suggesting these lovely dages, but because I can't go anywhere (because of the DC's), it's me who's having to say it's my place or nothing

*noego no unfortunately unless I pay a stranger to babysit them x

ebaygum I think this post has gone totally over your head!

If he says it's fine OP, then I'd imagine it probably is. I'm sure he realises you'd love to do more but are unable to. Have you not got a workmate or friend who could come and watch the kids even for a few hours so you could get out for a meal?

Oh sorry Scousebird - you are right. I misunderstood.

Can't you organise a sleep over with your kids at another kids house? Or organise a date for another mum to have them for an evening or a weekend afternoon, if you have hers in return?

OP, my DP and I used to have daytime dates when DS was at school. We would go out for brunchanged and then to a matinee at the cinema. I get that school holidays have started but could this be a possibility once September comes?

Do you have no friends at all in rl who would be thrilled to do you a favour in the interests of a budding relationship with a potentially lovely man? Failing that if you're in devon, I will!

Why can't you "pay a stranger" ?!

As long as it is FINE and not just convenient..

If you're worried he'll get bored by humdrum stuff, then you'll have to pay a stranger so you can go out to interesting places with him.

But probably he really quite enjoys the domesticity, and wants to do those other things because he thinks you'll enjoy them, and he'll get to treat you. He can do other stuff when he's not with you, although he'd probably rather do it with you.

If you want to be able to go out to dinner etc, you're going to have to rely on the services of others. There's nothing wrong with getting a babysitter occasionally, people do it all the time.