I think I should be alone forever

[Hopelessatthis]

Namechanged, but I'm a regular poster. I apologise in advance for the woe is me crap that is about to follow and say in advance that I am grateful for any replies at all.

I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm just not made for any kind of relationships. I just don't fit in anywhere at all. I think I'm too sensitive and anxious and I get it wrong all the time. If it wasn't for DC, I think I'd find it hard to work out why I'm even here.

I don't really have any friends because I just don't seem to fit in anywhere. At work, I'm seen as a good hard worker and I'm successful, but people don't really like me. I'm just always on the periphery. I think I'm a nice person, but maybe I'm not.

I separated from ex-h a couple of years ago, that didn't go well, he was selfish and almost emotionally abusive. Even yesterday he sent me a text that told me to 'drop the fucking attitude' because I disagreed with something. I just disagreed, I could certainly didn't shout or swear or anything.

I have a new partner, but now I'm not so sure that's going well. He is separated too (over 2 years) but not yet divorced. We have talked about moving forward but he hasn't yet gone ahead with the divorce for fear it will impact on his access to his children. I'm finding this upsetting as I don't see how we can move forward in that context. So today we argued and he left.

So in all of that, I'm the common denominator, so it's me that is the issue. Perhaps I need to recognise that and just be alone. Just concentrate on bringing the DC up and that's it.

I don't know why I'm posting really, I just wanted to get it all out.

Give yourself a break Hope!
You have left a rubbish relationship and are now in a better one - so pat yourself on the back, enjoy it, stop worrying about the future, and be patient: big changes take time.
It sounds as though you have internalised your mum's critical voice, so you can never be good enough in your mind. Try making a list of things you like about yourself and add three new items to it every day. When you catch yourself criticising yourself, correct the thought with a positive one. Spoiling yourself is good, as someone else said, and exercise is a great way to stop overthinking and boost self esteem.

We can't all be out own idea of "perfect". We are made of genetics and nature and it is extremely hard to change how we are. I think the best thing is to be more accepting of ourselves, be as nice to people as you can be, appreciate what you have (because there is so much suffering in the world), make the most of life. Go on a spa day and pamper yourself and don't worry about doing it alone. The loveliest people are often shop assistants, bar tenders and manicurists. They really don't mind that ur alone 😄😄

Accept yourself for being an individual. Not perfect but getting on with it and doing pretty well.

Of course we all have bad days. I'm giving advice that I find hard to follow and I beat myself up lots of the time. My mum was very critical too, but I'm sure that's because her mum was critical of her. We all just muddle through don't we? I don't think there should any women (if any) that don't have hang ups about something