Update on a shit situation

[EasyToEatTiger]

Firstly, thank you all for your previous comments and support.

My 12 year old daughter assaulted me in the supermarket a week ago.

I have been to Womens' Aid, and been to my gp. I am taking my daughter to the doc next week about her behaviour and what's going to happen next.

SS are going to get involved as I think my daughter was behaving as her father's proxy.

There is, and has always been something really wrong about my husband and I am setting boundaries, like not eating at the same table, not sleeping in the same room.

Today I told him what was going on with me and he started off about himself so I told him he wasn't endearing himself to me in any way.

It is complicated and frankly I am beyond caring about SS involvement. I welcome whatever help and support I can garner to find a way out of this hellish situation.

and for you OP

Unfortunately I have not read your previous post. You stated above that your daughter assaulted you in a supermarket. This is something that can not be allowed to go on. You do not deserve to be assaulted by anyone. I am not sure if you are saying that your husband is asking your daughter to assault you or if she has seen your husband take advantage of you and she thinks that is acceptable and she can do it too. Whatever the situation you don't deserve it and you need to get away from it. At 12 your daughter still has growing time and may well get more abusive.

My real hope for you is that SS will do things to help you get away from two abusive people. I do not know if other children live in your house but if there are this is not a situation they should see or live amongst.
Take care of you and protect yourself. If you need to do not hesitate to contact Police for assaults.

Thank you User. The police already know about my husband and have my name on some kind of quick response thing. My husband is a nutter. His view of himself just doesn't connect to the rest of the world. I have told the girls that I am mustering as much help and support for them as I am able. It's not going to be easy, but like my husband's previous family, I feel we are much better off without him.

Are you still living with your husband ?

Easy - this is really out of order. You can not be expected to live with someone who the police have a mark on to respond quickly. Is the house yours either owned or rented in your name? It should be a safe place for you no matter who owns or rents it but clearly it is not. It is surely time to find your own safe place and not give the husband or any of his relatives the new address. I have no idea if you have family or if they are near or far but I am sure if there is family they would be worried. I know because I am worrying about someone who is not in a good position.
Can Womens Aid help with a refuge no matter how far away? Think of it as an adventure.

It has been a long slow burn, endless doctors appointments, endless bloody useless therapists, a child psychiatrist.... One therapist in particular knew about my husband's behaviour, and she still thought she could make everything better. To say I have been let down by these people really doens't touch the sides. My husband is having ego massage therapy. I told him today that he would have to be a lot more honest if it was going to do any good. He would have to admit that he is a wife-beating vitriolic man. I am not in immediate danger. It feels much better now I realise what is going on and I see him as a toxic nutter. We will get away. It's on the cards. I am working on my own with the children, the gp etc. My husband doesn't know.

You had joint counselling ? Now you lnow that was a huge mistake

Why are you still married to your husband? If he's a nutter and influencing your daughter why on earth are you still with him?

What I know now isn't what I understood years ago. We went to relationship therapy together for ages and ages and it did seem to help at times. I also believed I had to take responsibility for my part in the relationship. It didn't occur to me that he was being abusive.

I have also been told again and again and again that things could get better. It was this last woman who actually KNEW that my husband was abusive and chose to ignore it.

I have worked bloody hard on my relationship and yes, it has taken a long time for me to recognise in the full light of day what a monster my husband is. Now I am working with the professionals to get myself unbound.

You need to get a move on before your daughter is further damaged

I know.

Godspeed, love

Thank you. I'll get there,

Still alive. My husband got me arrested for slapping him and I spent a luverly night in custody. Ho hum. Everyone I spoke to told me to make a statement which I started the following day, then they asked me to make a video statement which I have yet to do. My husband has gone into complete denial. He has been to a solicitor and told me I needed one urgently and would need to prove in court that I hadn't done the things he says I've done. I asked if it was about divorce and he said I had plently of savings to fight him in court. . I have been working all weekend and when I arrived home this evening (Sun) he asked me if I had opened the letter, so I said, why would I when he had made his intentions clear that he wanted to cause harm. And wouldn't it be more sensible to spend money on the children? He denied threatening me. He told me it was time limited, so I told him again to stop threatening me. I am going again to the WA woman at the police station and will hopefully sort some things out when I'm there. What a basket case he is. The police may be investigating him with the view to prosecution. I have been given all sorts of drugs by my gp to hopefully stop my heart and mind exploding.

Checkout respect.uk.net/ they have a young people's programme for teens 10-16 who are abusive to parents.