Dating/ sexing for a month. When to ask if he sees me as his girlfriend?

[Startingfreshi123]

I am newly single after a 16 year relationship so i dont know how the dating game works.

I've been seeing a guy i met on Tinder for a month now. We hit it off so well. Had loads in common. Really thought he was the one. He used to message and call me loads but for whatever reason, the spark has gone for him. He barely says hi each day. However still occasionally sends flirty and caring messages but it seems to be me initiating our next date alot.

I kinda asked why the change in contact and he tried to be clever and use reverse psychology on me, jokingly denying, But phone history proved it.

I was crazy about him. Now I'm left feeling inadequate. I'm not sure if he has just got too comfortable with me or whether he wants to end it but don't wanna upset me. How can I raise the issue again, without sounding annoyingly desperate? Or shall I just accept it's over and slowly withdraw by not responding?

The thrill for these fuckboys is in the chase.

He said everything you wanted to hear, hooked you in then (presumably) got sex from you.

By then the thrill is gone.

He will likely have numerous women at various stages of the 'hook in'.

Tinder is not a good site to be looking for genuine relationships- it's a cattle market.

Whataload... You seriously talk soo much sense. I would definitely listen OP and learn to wise up in the nicest possible sense.

WhataLoad, reading what you posted is difficult to take in because it is true. I'm sure he's keeping me for sex, nothing more. I said early days of speaking because his tone has changed so much, the Mr Nice Guy is a distant memory now.
It felt so right. So i didn't think of it as future faking. I am so demoralised and now there is a big void from his absence in my life! Can't believe men lure you in like that! Not sure i have the emotional stability to go through that again.

We spoke for up to four hours a day. Mainly in the evenings. I felt I had a pretty good idea about him. You can't be fake for that long, can you???

It's hard isn't it, OP. I know how I always thought/hoped the men I was dating (when I was in my teens/20s many years ago) would be Mr Right, but none of them were and these intense relationships would burn out within 3 months! Sometimes they dumped me, sometimes I dumped them, but the bottom line was they all felt right for a while, but ultimately weren't. That's why I'm far more cynical and guarded these days. Talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words, and in my experience plenty of men will say what they think you want to hear so that they can get into your knickers. Lots of compliments, lots of "oh, I'm into that too!", lots of "we'll have to do that together one day". As soon as a man says something and doesn't follow it through my emotional barriers start going up. As soon as they don't seem as keen as they were it's because they're not, and it's time to bale out.

Online dating can be fun, but it helps to have a thick skin and take everything they say with a pinch of salt for the first few months I reckon. It's also a numbers game; you just have to go on lots of dates to find someone, being careful not to get emotionally invested too soon as many people doing OLD also have a few dates on the go at any one time.

Op it's really important to keep your head and realise that you just DON'T know someone after a few months. No matter how much you speak during that time. It takes a minimum of 1-2 years of very regular contact to get to know someone even in a fairly basic way.

That's why it's better to take it very slow. please realise that the lovey dovey, ain't he perfect feelings are simply a chemical high designed to make you breed with a person you find attractive! They are not "real" - not in the sense of you actually seeing the real person anyway.

None of this is even intentional on the part of the people involved... It's just good old fashioned horny hormones trying to motivate you to mate.

Pull back, take a deep breath and learn to go very slowly with people. The website Baggage Reclaim has some very good stuff on this topic called "people unfold". Have a Google for that and you'll find good material to reset your expectations.

Sorry op-agree with others. I'm no expert but I thought tinder was more for sex than relationships so maybe look elsewhere is a good option also.

Most people look their best in the early days so be cautious!

Hang on you said this:

In our early days of speaking, he used to tell me he wanted to take me to these lovely places. So when I accepted the offer and set a date, I kept asking him if he got round to it!

Which sounds like it was always him paying. Otherwise if you were paying, you've set a date, you booked the activity/place, and he just had to go with you.

Bit confused, did you pay for anything?

We shared very personal things
Be careful of doing that. Not only does it create intimacy (which is great once you know they're not a grade A shyster) but it gives abusers lots of ammo to use against you if they find out you're vulnerable, etc.

^This. I had a bad experience with this once. I dated a guy who was a narcissist (possible psychopath). When we first started dating, he asked me tons of questions about me. It all seemed very natural and like he was really interested - it was very flattering.

Later I realised it was a ploy - he wanted to get info out of me so he could fake/reflect back to me my perfect soulmate so I would fall for him.

After that before I got married, I was very cautious about revealing information that went to the heart of my personality and vulnerabilities.

These kind of men used information as a tool - any kind of information - to bond with you and fake intimacy so watch out for anyone obviously squeezing you for info when you first date.

You: "I LOVE Hawaiian Pizza"
Him [SAYS]: "Wow! Me too. It's my favorite kind. Everyone takes the piss out of my for liking it saying it's not a real pizza. We must go and share one at my favorite pizza restaurant"
Him [THINKS]: I hate Hawaiian pizza. It's not a real pizza but I can use this to pretend we are SO alike.

You: I love a gentleman and old school manners.
Him [HEARS]: Ah! This is what she wants so I can fake that for a bit to make her fall for me.
Him [DOES]: opens the door for you, stands up when you arrive at the table, brings you flowers.

You: My ex bf told me I was fat and it really upset me.
Him [SAYS]: That's crazy. You are perfect. I love your body.
Him [THINKS]: Well she is fat but this is a perfect tool to seduce her properly and I can store it away to control her when she doesn't do what I want and I can tell her how fat and disgusting she's become.