Tired of tears... rant

[mishelfish]

hi, sorry about this rant...
i am so bored of crying all the time. my dp is driving me crazy, he is still acting as if he is a single man and i am fed up of being disappointed by him and being upset. we moved away from our friends, not far, but enough so its a bit cheaper but close so he can still commute to work, but i feel so isolated and alone. i have spoken to my hV and she says she thinks i have PND but its about specific things, not a blanket depression like it was when i was pregnant. i feel like i have lost sight of what is reasonable behaviour and so i am i just a nagging moaning witch like he thinks or do i have a point?
the problem is his drinking and staying out and not heping out at home with the baby, who is 3 months old. he turns into such an ass hole when he has had a drink,spends all our money, shouts at me, makes me cry, goes out and comes home at 9am. we had a huge row a week ago about the same thing, and he had his bags packed ready to go, but i freaked out and said if he left, not to come back. he stayed, and was alot more helpful and things have been fine but now he got drunk after work (again) and came home really late so couldnt look after ds. it just makes me mad cos he doesnt think about me at all, he has no idea that his actions have consequences for me. i.e, i have to look after baby all day and night and he does nothing.
it doesnt help that i am stuck indoors alot either. i dont know anyone in this town (although i am making friends at local mab group and swimming classes)it takes time to establish friendships and sometimes i feel so alone and sad. i dont really want us to split up but i am bored of the same arguments and what i really want is for him to change his beahviour, and thats alot to ask of someone. everytime he says he's sorry and that he wont do it again but a week or a month later, he does. hes such a child! ARRrghhg!!!!! its just such a difficult decision when there is a child involved, finacially, id be screwed and i dont think he would just be happy to give me half his wages. we've got debts that are just in my name and bills i couldnt afford on my own, and i dont want to be a single parent.
it probably doesnt make any sense but i feel better for just writing it all down.

You poor thing mishelfish. Sounds like you are having a very hard time and I didn'tw ant to leave your message unanswered.

I've suffered with PND and I know how awful it is. Being in a new place with a new baby doesn't help either because it can be just so tough.

And you don't sound like a 'nagging selfish witch' at all, just someone who is understandably stressed, exhausted and suffering from depression.

What sort of support do you have? Is your HV any good?

Bumping for you..Sunday is often s slow day on MNet.

thanks janos, my HV is really nice but i havent really told her that my dp and i are having problems, she thinks that i am depressed because i am lonely, but has discouraged me from moving back to where my friends are because of finacial reasons. it make sense but i feel even more isolated when we row and i feel like if we split up i would be even more on my own so i put up with his behaviour because im scared to be on my own. it makes me sad that i am not strong enough to make myself happy. i should talk to my Hv iknow, but then it would become an issue when sometimes i think i am ok, but i just cant handle it when he screws up a bit.

poor you, he's behaving incredibly badly, and you have a v young baby, it's hard so be nice to yourself. Not much help i'm afraid but you've got mn now and you can usually find a shoulder here or just someone to talk to. I've been at home last 3 months (not with a baby tho') and it's saved my sanity

Message withdrawn

mishelfish,

You have one child already; you do not need an immature manchild to look after as well.
I do not write such things lightly but you'd in all likelihood be better off on your own.

Please tell the HV the full extent of your problems; show her your original message if you want.

Do you think he has a drink problem?. If so you may ultimately have to consider whether you two have any future at all together. You say don't want to be a single parent but I would rather you be a single parent and happier with your DS than be surrounded by his drink issues, immaturity and inate selfishness day after day. What will that teach your son?. That it is okay for his Dad to treat his Mum like something he's stepped in?. Some lesson that is for him.

Get financial and emotional help (via Relate) for your own self and deal with the debt via the National Debtline or CAB. Certainly don't ignore it.

You can do something about this, you need to believe in your own self. You can turn this bad situation around.