Ending long term relationship - please help!

[charlottelouise1234]

Hello, I apologise in advance for this post which maybe very long!! I have been with my partner for over 7 years and we have a beautiful 3 year old. For a while now I have been very unhappy, and I think I have fell out of love with him. Before we had our daughter we used to go out and socialise but it would always end up in arguments and he could get very physical so we don't tend to go out much as I panic it will happen again. I hate him going out as I worry what mood he will be in. Usually he is a very quiet person but completely different when he has had a drink. He hasn't been physical for a year or so so it isn't regular but it's always at the back of my head. On top of this we don't have much in common now, and I generally feel bored with him which I know sounds awful. I am waiting to see a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety however I think this relationship is one of the causes. We are currently in debt of about 2K and my family keep telling me to get money saved before ending it but I just can't carry on like this much longer. I have never ended a long term relationship before and I am worried on how to say it. My daughter is out with her grandparents tomorrow afternoon and and evening so thinking this maybe a good time to do it. Any help or advice would be gratefully appreciated. Thanks x

If you've made a solid decision to leave, then I think the best way to handle this is to say it's over without beating around the bush. I think you should also be prepared to leave immediately in case he gets out of control and violent. Pack a bag and be ready to go. If you know it's over, and it sounds like it should be, then don't waste your time with lots of his moaning, pleading, yelling, whatever. You've wasted enough time already.

Erm I think you're going to need someone with you/in the house when you tell him. He's violent. Leaving violent men is the danger zone - guess what, they don't like it. they will use whatever it takes to stop you.

Don't ever be alone with him again after you've left the relationship.

You don't need to give any reasons why you want to split - just that you do. If you're stuck for what to say you can say he's violent and you are not prepared to live with violence - nor are you prepared to bring up a child in a violent home.

I would also get the violence logged (GP?) re future contact with your daughter.

Thanks all for your support. I don't know if I am making this sound worse than it is, there have been about 8 occasions in the past 7 years so it's not like it is every weekend. The thing is that if you met him he is the calmest person it's just when he has had a drink. Haven't even had a peck on the lips since Wednesday!!

If youve made up your mind it's over then my advice would be to stay focussed and be strong. It's really hard being the one to end a relationship. I did it a couple of years ago and thinking about that time still hurts sometimes. I don't regret the decision at all but it was a difficult time. Good luck