No support...abusive bully

[Thinkitthrough]

I feel sad and empty, no support. Infact H has just yet again thrown it all back in my face. Thinks it's ok every time we disagree to bring up my past. He thinks it's ok to tell me how much my family dislike me, that my ex was abusive because I drove him to it, that my son hates me. That I have no friends because why would anyone want to spend anytime with me.
He says he wants to split up, split everything 50/50. I'm scared about how I manage both emotionally and financially. I earn significantly less than him, how could I afford a home for my son etc. I'm absolutely drained and just about holding on. I told him that he is being verbally abusive towards me, spiteful etc but he just doesn't see it. I don't understand any of what is happening

Is your son also his son?

How long have you been married?

You will be OK. You need to get some professional advice on your position - perhaps try the Citizens Advice Bureau nearest to you as they will be able to determine the best people to refer you to - most have solicitors offering free initial advice for example.

I'm 3 years on from my separation and feeling like I'm getting back to who I really am. Just about. Recovering from an abusive relationship takes time. Anyway, the point is that I'm still here as resident parent to my dcs - we all have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. We're surviving and you will too.

there will be lots of support here very shortly. In the meantime, it is clear that you still have some perspective on this and can see the reality of the situation, hence your title. Hang on to this. Make the steps to leave. You will survive and gradually things will get better. From what you say, you haven't had good role models in your family but that does not mean you can't build up self esteem, but it needs to be self esteem i.e. esteem you award yourself. Good luck, you need to leave and you can do it!

No not his son, married 3 years. I'm so stupid, I don't understand how someone who is supposed to love me can be so spiteful. What gives one human being the rights to do this to another. I feel so empty and so sad.

Where will I go, he is refusing to leave. Me and DS have no- where to go.

The answer to your question is - NOTHING gives him the right to do this to you. Nothing. He is abusive and a bully and relies on you feeling downtrodden and inadequate to get his kicks.

Your best revenge is to get away from him and live a wonderful life, which you will, you really will. You will manage, even without loads of money, it's amazing how little you will find you need to be happy, once you are away from him, and you and your DS are a tight little unit!

You've acknowledged that he's an abusive bully, so you should not take it to heart the accusations he's thrown at you. They are all designed to undermine you and your sense of self. Don't let it work!

Many, many women have been where you are now and have been able to move forward and live a happy life without the presence of a nasty bully.

If you have a child together then a percentage of his salary should come to you in child-support. If you're a low-earner you'd be entitled to claim tax credits and whatnot to top up your income. Whatever child-support you receive is not taken into consideration when calculating your benefits. Have a look on the "entitled to" and "turn2us" websites to check what you might be able to claim. Some single parents can end up better off than they imagined.

Any debts in his own name like loans and credit cards should not be split 50/50 unless you signed up for them as well, so don't let him make you accept responsibility for those.

In some circumstances you could be allowed to remain in the family home with your child until s/he turns 18 and the home not sold until then but that would mean getting a court-order and court is very expensive.

DS is my responsibility, he is not his child. I sold my own home so we could jointly buy new house. I put down deposit etc. After such a short marriage is he really entitled to 50/50. He has savings and pensions etc which he can keep. All I want is what I arrived with in the beginning.

Oh op
He's a dick, the best revenge is a good life. 50/50 will mean his pension, the house, any savings so you will get that money too. He'll probably just agree to give you the house as it's easier, it'll be what his lawyer will advice him.
Such a hard situation I'm so sorry he's like this, good luck.

You need legal advice after a short marriage and with a child to support I expect the courts would favour more or less what you both put in.

See a solicitor, you need legal help.

H busy getting the sympathy vote from his family now through social media. I don't think today can get much worse

A short marriage is in your favour as likely to walk away with what you put in.

However if you leave it longer you create a greater risk.

Your h is abusive and nasty.Its his issue so don't take on blame.If he had fallen out of love with you it still doesn't give him the right to be abusive.Let him vent to whoever will listen.Keep your dignity and life will get better.

How old is your son?

Please go and see a solicitor ASAP. Unfortunately as you jointly own the home you can't force him to leave. If you have nowhere to go, you will have to sit it out until either you sell the house, or one of you buy's the other out.
I would suggest completely withdrawing from him. Ignore him when he talks to you, don't sleep in the same room, don't do his washing or cooking or anything else. Do NOT let him get to you. Unless he is physically abusive or things are badly affecting your son, you will just have to tolerate him until things get sorted.
The sooner you start the ball rolling, the better.
Remember this is not your fault and you do not deserve to be treated like this. Put your son first and get rid of this prick.

Also, block him and his family on social media immediately.