Love or in love - what does it feel like.

[Userwithoutaname]

I'm in my fifties, in a relationship, but sadly I don't know if I really love him or what my feelings are.

Sorry I know this sounds crazy. Tbh I'm wondering if I'm slightly strange ...

Anyway I like being with him but sometimes it's very difficult. He's a lovely man but often ill and because of that a bit of a hypochondriac.. understandably so. I've always struggled with men feeling sorry for themselves. I realise that's my personal problem, somehow tied in with never being able to show weakness myself and feeling resentful when others do, I think. Yes I'm a basket case.

I can't relax when we're dtd, feel ugly and self conscious. Consequently is nice and sometimes great but often I feel like I'm just going through the motions.

Anyway my question is how do I know if I love him? Ive been in other long term relationships but never known if I love them.

Is it that I've actually never fallen in love/ loved someone or that I can't for whatever reason?

I don't want to split up with him and regret it.

Tbh all relationships are difficult for me. I never really feel comfortable with anyone, like I can be myself. Again, not sure if there's something wrong with me, or if it's a self esteem problem or ...?

I'm starting counselling next week but don't know what questions to ask to work out what's wrong.

I should add, staying with this man would mean not being able to do a lot of things I'd like to do like travelling, possibly living abroad. However, as I'm currently on long term sick leave for depression and anxiety I don't know if I'd be able to anyway .. just leaving the house is a problem a lot of the time.

We've talked about moving in together but I know that I don't want to at the moment ... I like some time alone and the freedom to have my house the way I want.

None of this sounds positive does it? But I think partly I'm just messed up and all these things are a symptom of that ...

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. As for explaining what being in love is, that's a tough one, and it can be different for different people. Although it doesn't seem to me that you're "in love" with your boyfriend. I think it's great that you're starting therapy, and I hope it helps you to understand yourself better. I think you should show your therapist what you have written above. I believe it will be a perfect way for them to understand some of what your concerns are.

Just because you feel like you struggle with personal relationships doesn't mean you're broken or messed up. You're an individual, just like the rest of us.

Thanks Aquamarine. That's a good idea.

I'm aware that I have "issues" regarding approval from men. My dad wasn't around a lot due to work and was difficult to please. I never felt good enough. Now when any man shows an interest - of any sort - i like it, too much ... it's like I need it. Need the sign that I'm good enough. I worry that I've entered into relationships purely for that reason.

Yes i understand that, but I don't know if I've ever loved anyone .. I mean a man. I live my children of course.

I've fancied men, I've wanted to spend time with them, I've been friends with them. I've also been extremely irritated by them, wished they'd disappear ... wanted someone new .. a change ...

love my children