11 year age gap. Could it work? What needs to be considered?

[chasegirl]

He's 57 I am 46. Still at the getting to know you stage but he has told me to think about the age gap and what it could mean in the future.
Health could be an issue maybe but what else should I be thinking about???

We had a 14 year age gap, got together at just 39 and nearly 53.
After I stopped stressing about it the only way it impacted was the odd cultural reference to childhood TV programmes. It just wasn't an issue in our relationship at all.
I think in later years it may have brought challanges - not necessarily retirement as I worked part time anyway and he loved his job so we'd have probably stopped at a similar point, but just aging etc. But mid-50's and a 70 yo, 60 & 75, etc. Who knows.

Unfortunately he was diagnosed with inoperable cancer aged 57 and died in Mar 2017 aged 58. I've just turned 45.
We could have easily been lucky and had 25+ years together. We weren't, and had 5 wonderful years and a year of increasing illness, sadness, pain and ultimately death.

Ill health can strike anyone at any age, but the odds clearly increase as you get older.

I don't think I'd consider such an age gap relationship for myself again, despite the deep happiness and contentment I had with DH.

Dp is 16 years older than me. It's never been an issue. I don't know what will happen as we get older but will worry about that when we get there!

11 year's for us. I don't even think about it and neither does he. It's similar for both sets of parents. I am just happy to have found my soulmate. No one can predict the future.

Thank you all. Bit more info his children are pretty much grown up with the youngest age 20 with 1 year left at uni. My dd is age 9. He has a lot more freedom to look forward to then me doesn't he?

He has a high paid job that involves travel and I am a single mom on tax credits.

His parents are dead mine are alive but getting elderly and my dad has ill health.

I have been single 4 years but had the odd casual.fling and he is just getting divorced his marriage just fizzled out.

People change. So you never know what they will be like or how you may feel about things in the future. All you have is now.

It's such a tricky one.
My son is 11 years younger than his partner. It works really well but I know she feels it.im sure she'll feel it more when she turns 50 in a couple of years and he won't be 40.

I met my dh when he was 55 and me 56. I thought we'd have oodles of happy healthy years before old age struck.

Not so. A stroke last year affected my husband's eyesight. He was 62. Don't get me wrong. He's still active but it highlighted an underlying heart condition and he does tire easily.
He also can't drive. So more pressure on me. This wasn't in the original script but it's amazing how much life can change in a heartbeat literally.

There's no guarantees. Just see how it develops.
Things do get harder as you get older, there's no doubt about it but 11 years is a much better gap to work with than 20 years like my cousin who is 62 and his wife 42.
They've been together 20 years and are so happy .
I'd say go for it.

11 year age gap here (him older than me) and we are very happy 😊 together 10 years and lovely children! We get on very well, have similar interests and support one another. I don't even think about the age difference.

My aunt & uncle divorced in their 50s & she said that she wouldn't want to risk being someone's nurse in his old age - it's different if you've grown old together & have raised children but the big age gap without years of cement must be hard.

It will be more whether he wants to parent a 9 year old. If he goes before you if he wants his kids to have his house etc

Age isnt and issue until becomes one. You cant predict ill health but you can predict someone who is 80 is more likey to suffer dementia than someone who is 60. That said 11 years is not a huge age gap, financial disparity could be.

My niece is 41, her DH 57 and they have a 3 year old and an 8 year old. I didn't realise his age. They are very happy.

My mum was over 16 years younger than my dad and got all those warnings from her friends and family about being left a young widow, nursing an old man etc. In fact she died of a stroke at 73 and he lived another 13 years and died aged 102, in almost perfect health until the last few months.

DH is 60, I'm 38. He is lovely, kind, generous and funny. He is also arthritic and it does restrict us a bit, in that he can't really do much like long walks without needing to walk slowly and rest frequently, but it doesn't really worry me because I'm not perfect and have sciatica so health can be affected at any age. He has always been a hands on father, and the best husband to me. I haven't found there are many differences in frames of reference.

My mother has been with her partner for over 20 years, she's now 78 and he's 90. In the past few years he's been through a number of illnesses and although she loves him and looks after him and wouldn't be without him, she does feel very trapped - she recognises that she is reaching the end of her active years and there are still countries she would love to go and visit, but when he has 25 separate hospital appointments in 8 weeks that he needs driving to, it's nearly impossible for her to get away.

lovely post mumbod

Maybe I'm too rose-tinted and impractical but id give it a go. Noone is assured of or promised anything in this life.

All the best OP

The age gap isn't a problem. The different stages of life could be.

You mention the still getting to know you stage. Are you his first relationship post split? If so he may be ready to have a bit of fun after his marriage and sees you as someone
for the here and now rather than long term. Who knows?

Sounds as if he's very keen on you but is giving you a get-out which tells me he's a nice person, thinking of you.

My parents have a large age gap and my mum has definitely taken on a caring role for my dad. I know this can happen at any age but is it what you want?

13 year age gap here and we're incredibly happy (I'm the younger one)
Just enjoy