Has anyone ever turned it around?

[Loungingbutnotforlong]

I am gutted- currently on v stressful holiday with husband, kids and mil. The week has been a long week- I don't know how to fix this. We should be the happiest couple in the world- great, healthy kids, good well paid jobs, lovely home, but sometimes I think we hate each other. We've nigh on constantly rowed about the kids- I think he is way too harsh, he thinks I am way too soft! I also think the way he speaks to me and behaves is bloody appalling- frequently jumping on things I've said, About even the most minor thing. I am exhausted with it- I feel like half the time I am coaching him on how to speak nicely to the kids, or Me. We cAn't even talk about it- it just becomes a litany of how I am spoiling our son. He actually spent 20 mins today berating our son for standing on his sisters fingers - calling him names, saying awful things, getting annoyed with me when I told him to get out the room and leave him alone. (I did then talk to our son about why we don't hit etc)
He then has the cheek to tell our kids 'you'll have at least one proper parent' (meaning him).
I feel sick- when he is kind and funny, it is so lovely, but this is grim. I spend almost every day flip flopping between thinking we can make a happy marriage and then thinking I cannot stand another thing. How the flip did we get here? How do we turn it around?

I don't really have any advice but I didn't want to read and run. It's sounds like hell. Could you maybe have an evening to yourselves? Could MIL babysit? I find that a few hours alone help me and DH.

How old are the children?

Do you work?

How long have you been together?

What does MIL say?

I'm sorry you're going through this. If it were me, I'd put another room on the cc tbh, and remove the children so that they can at least have some peace.

Hi- children are 8 and 6. Mil says nothing, literally nothing apart from agreeing that my son needed to be smacked!
We've been together over 15 years. Since having kids it can be increasingly difficult- we're both such anxious parents and worriers for them, but don't agree always on discipline methods. Normally we really enjoy our holidays, but this has been a slog.
I just sit here thinking- I need to end it, I can't go on. I can't have my son so upset, but then I think is this a massive over reaction- how crappy would it be for the kids for us to go through what I know would be a v unpleasant divorce. Christ- how has it come to this?

Yes- I do work. Well paid but much less than husband.

Why are you anxious wrt parenting?

We are getting better as the kids get older, but we had v difficult fertility journey so when they were babies we were very anxious- any little sneeze/ worries over trips and falls etc. I think we find that tiring as well as we don't seem as relaxed as other parents. We do seem to get on better when the children are not there in the evenings, as we are more relaxed and not so 'on', in terms of keeping an eye on them.

Any possibility of getting some counselling together re parenting? That level of anxiety is bound to damage a rs tbh. And a child's mind (sorry to say). Learning to let things go and not trying to control things is massive.

Would he be amenable to coparenting guidance?

My DP and I have different beliefs on parenting and I think he saw my style as too soft. I also spent every weekend trying to get him to see that he doesn't need to use his ' strict/ annoyed voice' on her until she gets upset. And that there's no point telling her off etc when she's ist it and is in melt down mode .Talk to her later when she's calm. This went on and on. In the end she became more difficult and cheeky because she expected to get told off for every little thing . It was exhausting.
I think sometimes the ' strict' parent doesn't know another way and didn't get what I was trying to do either. I use that website 'aha parenting ' and he agreed to read an article I sent him explaining about positive parenting and we talked late one night about how he just had this idea that parents should be sort of stern to get good behaviour . But basically he hadn't really thought things through but he got the article . Things have been better for a few months between all of us. I hear him start a sentence with annoyance and turn it into a friendly one by the end. As if he's really trying. I know it's not going to magically change and we will need to keep working at it. I know I need to be more consistent too. I've learnt loads of tips reading parenting info but I expected him just to know ( or was annoyed that he didn't make as much effort to go and research ) Good luck . Your situation sounded familiar and thought I should share ours.