'Closure' and how to get it

[curiousregular]

How do you go about getting 'closure' on a past relationship? I can't seem to get rid of the ghosts of an xp and it's really starting to affect me. I want to move on but seem unable to get past it all.

Think the problem is that I ended it and have always had big doubts about whether I should have. Lots of unresolved stuff on both sides, I think. But I think the moment of possibly getting back together has definitely passed. So have to move on. Have tried packing away everything that reminds me of it all, not contacting him etc (still quite good friends) but nothing seems to be working. Feel stupid and annoyed with myself as really it was a long time ago. Don't want to live in the past. Any suggestions?

anyone?

you could try writing down all the reasons the relationship ended, is there something going on in your life now which makes you think things would have been better if had stayed in taht realtionship whilst packing things away why not remeber the fun times and then think well time to move on and i'd relly like to x and go and find a way of doing it as a reward if you like for tackilingthe past move on to something new

There's lots going on to make me think I would have been better staying where I was. But I know it's over (and has been for a long time) just... it's always still 'there'. trouoble is my reasons for ending it were pretty stupid s writing it all down would prbably make me just feel worse.

I think you have to remember for you to end it you must have been unhappy. Something wasn't right. Also try and do things you could never do with him, go out and flirt and have fun being single while you can. Everybody i know moans about me being on my own and tells me they wished they had enjoyed it more because you miss it when attatched.
Saying that though i can't move in this house for ghosts, but they are fading, i suppose it takes time, and the company of very sexy men, who put your x in the dark.
It is the age old thing of wanting something you can't have, it is far more appealing with a challenge. If my x came back now i would probably be, well i would be desperately unhappy after a week, hour, minute.
There will be a man one day who you would never dream of wanting to leave, why not wait for him

I think it just takes time. I remember the day I realised I'd got over an ex boyfriend. I hadn't been trying particularly - in fact, I thought I was over him and had had a couple of flings in between but I was in a pub with some friends (he was there too)and at one point, I went into the Ladies, looked at myself in the mirror and said "I'm over him". It was a huge relief but not something I'd been anxious about until I realised IYSWIM.
Good luck CR

i dont think you can "make" yourself get over something. you can try various things that do help but i always think that you can go for years, months feeling that you still love, want and need that person. these things probably fade one by one but you wont realise how ok you are until something comes to stir it up...if that makes any sense? one day without any warning you suddenly think "im over you". but saying that it depends on the person and why it went wrong. i had a relationship where i was convinced we shouldnt have split up and always thought i wanted him back as we were still such good friends, until one night we slept together and i was cured. i realised that i loved him as a friend and a friend only and i had been mistaking those feelings for something else. then of course there's the ones that are idiots and you suddenly see them for what they are. then there's the one that im still not over. its been years but every time another bloke comes near me a little voice in my head screams "its not HIM!" i was absolutely convinced he was the one and no-one else even comes near. how to get over that one? ask me when i am