Is this evidence of rape?

[FallingRaindrops2015]

My DP has always been quite demanding when it comes to sex every day he would wake me up by putting his hands in my pants, making it quite clear I wanted him to get off and leave me alone he would still continue.

Our relationship has gotten worse and worse over time and when I pointed out that this is sexual abuse he moved into the spare room 'to protect himself from my disgusting acusations'.

However it hasn't stopped him and now he just refuses to take no for an answer, even at 3am after he arrives home from a night out drinking he will refuse to leave my bed until I, as he puts it 'give in'.

On one particular occasion I was in my iPad when he decided to start demanding sex so I managed to record, unfortunately the recording stopped so didn't actually get him doing anything but does record comments such as:

Me:Get off of me
Him: Or your what
M: Why do think it's your right
H: Because it is my right

M:I don't want to have sex
H:Okay don't want it but enjoy it

M:Just go away
H: No I'm not going away it's this simple we can have sex and you can go to sleep or we can carry on like this for an hour and we will still carry on like this until you give in

H:What you going to do...call the police

He's also made comments like 'it's about time I learnt my place and give me sex, I go to work, people have sex with strangers'.

This is just one element of his abuse he is emotionally abusive, controlling and extreamly manipulative. He is constantly making up complete lies and accusations against me.

I was hoping someone could advise if this would be seen as evidence of his abuse or not?

Thanks in advance

Thanks for your advice everyone, it's really helped reassure me.

I left on Saturday with DS, as I was leaving he said to me 'watch what happens now'. I haven't heard a single thing from him since.

I am terrified what he's planning as this is totally out of character...

What do I do now?

Well done for leaving! You should be incredibly proud of yourself.

Have you involved the police? You need to share that recording with someone.

Police, preferably today. I wouldn't even hesitate. Evidence of rape and he's made a threat against you

Oh OP, I felt absolutely sick and sad reading your posts. Please tell the police and go to your family. This man is abusing you horribly.

Please. Speak to the police. It's serious. So worried about you

Call the police. Today, now. You have the recording. He is likely to dig his own grave.

Dont worry about access. Say sure 50/50 is fine. Removes a level of control.

Inform the police as pp have said. You need to be very aware of ypur surroundings & keep yourself & DC safe. Women's Aid are amazing in cases like this and the police will be supportive. You need to tell the police that you are frightened of what he might do etc.

Yep - call Womens Aid
Then call 101
Then call rape crisis.
Please get all the support services on board that you can.
You will need them.

Oh thank god. I thought this was going to be a typical thread where everyone urges you to leave but you can't.
Thank God!

Have you been to police? Whatever shite recordings he has of him accusing you of stuff can be easily explained as what they are. Your recording there along with whatever oral evidence you give is solid to get him charged if not convicted of rape I would think.

You must have been in hell you poor pet. What a bastard.

He has no power. Cowards never have. He's a rapist. He's a cunt. He's a bully. He's a coward. He's a bastard. He is Not someone with power. You are free now and are the one with power. Use that power and go straight this minute to police.

Call the police and report him you poor thing.

Agree with a PP.
If he says he's going for 50:50, agree it's a very good starting point to move things forward.
How would he like to do it.
One week on and one week off or a 3 day week then a 4 day week.
He won't know what to do!
Try to get a recording app on your phone asap in case he phones and try to record any calls.
He won't be stupid enough to put stuff in writing but he probably is stupid enough to threaten you over the phone.

And if you can't get a recording app, make sure you don't answer the phone to him unless you have someone else around and ensure you put it on loud speaker so you have witnesses.
Don't let him catch you off guard.
If he calls from a different phone then hang up on him immediately.

After 4 days of no contact he then text with a proposal for contact of 2 evenings a week and 1 whole day on a weekend. I proposed 1 evening would be better as a starting point and this has been the case so far.

DS returned from the full day very clingy and distressed so I feel this is a suitable level of contact to start off with. He's since messaged demanding overnights and longer weekends. I replied informing him I'm supportive of his relationship with DS but his needs need to be the paramount concern and based on his reaction I feel contact should be kept at that level initially and reviewed based on how DS adjusts. Cue his 'ill see you in court response'.

Today I've received a letter from a mediator informing me I need to attend a Mediation Information and assessment meeting (MIAM). Given the relationship how do I handle this? Do I need to attend? If we do go to court will I look unreasonable?

I am making a statement to the police tomorrow, but am I correct in thinking this will make no difference to access negotiations/court awarded contact?

Thanks again

Go to the mediation. It will look extremely bad on your part if you don't, you will be seen as the uncooperative one.

Explain to the mediator exactly what you've explained to us. You want to ease DC into it and not confuse or distress him. The point of the mediator is to help you avoid court and come to a mutual decision, which hopefully you will.

Make the police statement, I really don't know how this will effect the contact with DC but you really need to tell someone about the rape, hopefully someone will be along soon with more answers for you. Tell the mediator everything about the rapes and how he acted with you and why you could no longer stay.

Mediation is very difficult with someone who is abusive, but it doesn't look good to refuse it, unfortunately