I'm so sorry you are going through this awful, agonising situation. Your wretchedness is palpable 
What worries me is the kids are living in this poisonous soup. Please don't say they don't hear the screaming matches or don't know about the toxicity - they really do 'know' and will be profoundly affected by it.
I'm sorry to lay in with that - but if you can't do it for you then PLEASE do it for the kids. Please get them out - do whatever it takes to get them removed from this terrible home.
Contact Women's Aid. I have linked you to the local service bcs the 0808 2000 247 helpline is usually busy during the day (better at night between 7pm-7am). If you can't get through on either number then do leave a message with your contact details and a good/safe time to call. They will call you back - they will not divulge who they are unless they are speaking to you, they will not leave a voicemail.
You have to start getting this out there - start with the experts, anonymously if you like - you don't have to give your name of you don't want to. They know how hard this is.
Get the ball rolling. I am one of many on here who have got out of situations like yours. It's not easy but neither is it impossible. No, things weren't easy afterwards re the abuse continued BUT we, me and the kids, weren't living in it. That's a crucial difference.
Unpicking the awful trajectory that got us to the point of a relationship like this can come later: for now you need to get safe, away from this appallingly toxic environment. You aren't the first and sadly won't be the last - there are MANY of us who have been where you are now. We got out, with the right support. Some manage to do it alone but so much better, and quicker, to do it with expert support and advice.
He is projecting his toxic shame onto you - vicious. He is a sick man. Get away from him.