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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Coping with marital breakdown alone

38 replies

Dustifyoumust · 14/07/2017 22:04

My marriage has been slowly falling apart for the last three years and no one knows. I'm struggling to cope on my own, keeping the secret and prentice that we are happy. I'm feeling really awful tonight, another screaming match and threats of divorce and now I'm alone with my unhappy thoughts. Where do I go from here? I can't tell my family or friends how bad things are, I've got no one to turn to. I've got three kids to keep a brave face on for and a stressful job to keep delivering. There's no space to explode. I don't want to go to counselling as my husband is a verbal bully and will use it to demonstrate what a selfish bitch I am. I feel so trapped and so alone. ☹️

OP posts:
5achel · 14/07/2017 23:45

Airborne yes I've seen a few people before & it didn't work, i just felt like I was talking and they were going Hmm I see and what else?

The lady I'm seeing now though is brilliant - she seems to get my thoughts in order. I will describe a situation & she will tell me why that person reacted the way they did or why I felt a certain way. She is actually an eating disorder specialist & I've been sent there from the GP for 20 sessions. We havent mentioned eating yet but she says its a form of control & picking everything apart to find out why. Im very happy to have found her.

Dustifyoumust · 15/07/2017 00:00

Do you not feel sad and a failure that your marriage hasn't worked out? I thought I had been so wise in choosing my husband and that we were so close. I now feel sick when I look at my stupid happy face in my wedding photos and think about all the hurt he was going to bring me. If only I had known. I was such a fool.

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5achel · 15/07/2017 00:11

No because people change (i have) and you can't beat yourself up for not having a crystal ball.

yetmorecrap · 15/07/2017 00:14

Sadly we don't have a crystal ball ,

yetmorecrap · 15/07/2017 00:16

Sorry I cut myself off, as the previous poster said, we can't predict the fact of other people's actions and changes in personality or morals!

Tatiannatomasina · 15/07/2017 00:30

You are not a failure and you are not a fool. No one is saying it will be easy but my god it will be worth it to get rid of him. Please dont think you wont be happy again as you have seen a friend suffer. It takes massive will power and determination but if you can find the strength act quickly and decisively. Do what you need to do to make you happy. If it means divorce start that ball rolling so fast it crushes him and his nasty ways. Only speak about finance and kids and totally cut him off from hurting you ever again. Get angry, harness it and it will get you through. You can have an amazing life if you let yourself.

springydaffs · 15/07/2017 01:15

I'm so sorry you are going through this awful, agonising situation. Your wretchedness is palpable Flowers

What worries me is the kids are living in this poisonous soup. Please don't say they don't hear the screaming matches or don't know about the toxicity - they really do 'know' and will be profoundly affected by it.

I'm sorry to lay in with that - but if you can't do it for you then PLEASE do it for the kids. Please get them out - do whatever it takes to get them removed from this terrible home.

Contact Women's Aid. I have linked you to the local service bcs the 0808 2000 247 helpline is usually busy during the day (better at night between 7pm-7am). If you can't get through on either number then do leave a message with your contact details and a good/safe time to call. They will call you back - they will not divulge who they are unless they are speaking to you, they will not leave a voicemail.

You have to start getting this out there - start with the experts, anonymously if you like - you don't have to give your name of you don't want to. They know how hard this is.

Get the ball rolling. I am one of many on here who have got out of situations like yours. It's not easy but neither is it impossible. No, things weren't easy afterwards re the abuse continued BUT we, me and the kids, weren't living in it. That's a crucial difference.

Unpicking the awful trajectory that got us to the point of a relationship like this can come later: for now you need to get safe, away from this appallingly toxic environment. You aren't the first and sadly won't be the last - there are MANY of us who have been where you are now. We got out, with the right support. Some manage to do it alone but so much better, and quicker, to do it with expert support and advice.

He is projecting his toxic shame onto you - vicious. He is a sick man. Get away from him.

IDismyname · 15/07/2017 07:44

Dust -actually I don't feel a failure. If anything, I feel I deserve a medal for making it thus far!

And I think you do, too.

5achel You are right. You definitely need to find the right person to talk to, or talk with.

jojo2916 · 15/07/2017 08:29

Life is too short to stay with him any longer. It's scary especially if you don't have family support but you will come out of it happier, don't punish yourself any longer.

Dustifyoumust · 15/07/2017 22:29

Thanks all for your kind

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Dustifyoumust · 15/07/2017 22:29

Words.

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Dustifyoumust · 15/07/2017 22:30

I don't have the heart to leave him, break up my family and admit defeat. I'm just trying to find ways to live with it.

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springydaffs · 15/07/2017 23:59

Your kids, Dust. Your kids. They are being damaged by this awful home Sad

If you want to allow him to abuse you work something out with him then do it from separate homes so your kids don't have to live in the war zone. Even if you don't think they hear it (they probably do) they feel it, fully register it.

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