Anyone else have to explain your divorce in details to teens?

[user1467480231]

I've gone through a horrifically messy divorce and my 19 year old daughter is told heaps by her father but then guns for me when I want to tell my side of things. Her father is the weaker of us two so is a bit mothered by our daughter. She seems to be happy to hear his side of events but does NOT want to hear mine. I'm always the baddie despite ex having left us and got a new woman pregnant immediately !! How does that work??!!!!!
Is it the mother/ daughter relationship? I just don't get it or know how to handle it. Should kids of that age be told details about the divorce?

I'm not sure what I think in general but in your case I think you have to accept what she is wanting, and not try to give your side. She knows deep down he was wrong or she would not shut you down like that but listen to his side. She can see he has gone off and got someone pregnant straight away for herself. Maybe her way of maintaining a relationship with her dad is to give him massive benefit of the doubt over his behaviour.
I'd say something like whatever happened between me and your dad doesn't have to affect our relationship and I think it's best not to discuss that but concentrate on us getting along as well as possible.

Thanks so much for that @invisableLobstee. I feel like banging my head against a brick wall ! I get that 19 year olds are adults but also appreciate that they have no clue about 24 years of marriage, divorce and consent orders.
My ex had five holidays with his girlfriend all around the world last year whilst I worked and looked after our autistic son.... with no holiday!
Just drives me MAD thinking of the sob stories he must be telling !

I had the same issue. Ex using DD for support or using her to get at me. I ignored it all. Ex was off having a ball leaving it all to me. And the guiltily turning it onto me.
Bizarrely it has now brought me and DD closer together. The veil has been seen through.

It must be very tempting to set her straight! But I do think you will look better to her if you act like an adult about it. I think she is probably feeling upset after the divorce but knows you are there for her so takes it out on you. She knows her Dad is a flake who would drop her if she told him off so she is buying into his stories. But knowing you are a decent person who doesn't bad mouth people behind their back, even if they deserve it and is always there for her no matter what will be important to her.

Btw i don't mean no one should ever talk to their teens about the divorce but it just depends on the situation.