Firstly, sorry for the long thread but I'm at my wits end. I have been having problems of a sexual nature with my fella for the last year! Previous to this we had an amazing sex life. Then with absolutely no warning 2/3 times a week evaporated to nothing! I was patient and tried to not make it an issue but after 3 months of nothing, no initiation from him and excuses when I initiated with him (he was stressed with work, tired or just simply not tonight) ... I went down all the usual routes, had I upset him or done something wrong? Was there someone else? If it was work, how could we change that? Etc... He denied all then one day left his phone unlocked on kitchen top whilst he walked to shop and I snooped (and shouldn't have and wish I hadn't) as he was having sex chat with 2 other women! No pics but just heavily flirting and talking about sex! I was crushed and confronted him on his return! He denied it, then said they didn't live anywhere near us (not that that was relevant) anyhow it went on for days and my trust was broken, he did however say he had ED and was having problems. He'd apparently talked to them to try to get some reaction and also admitted watching porn but nothing was helping ... Though we decided to give it another go! And he went to docs for blood tests, nothing showed up on there and they suggested counselling (he refused) so Nothing improved on the sex side or intimacy, then a few months later he again left his phone unlocked on bed whilst he went to make coffee. again I looked as I wanted to cease the niggling feeling I had! Again I wished I hadn't bothered as a massive daily porn list came up! Every single day of his internet history had a huge porn list! I was devastated! Not because of porn as such as I think most men do look at it and don't really have a problem with that! It was more that it was used instead of sex with me, and not as a supplement. He admitted he may have a problem with porn, said he'd just stop watching it! Another few months promise of change and nothing! Then he worked from home one day and a viagra gel sachet fell out his bag! He said it had been in there since we first started dating and he used to stay the night so he didn't disappoint! It was plausible but after everything I feel I can't trust him. The final straw though for me was last week when I was tidying and he'd been away on a stag weekend and hadn't unpacked! I went routing for his dirty clothes and as I pulled the bag towards me there was a crinkling sound in the pocket and 5 more packets of viagra were sat in there! He denied them being in there but getting harder and harder to believe him.
Meanwhile I am completely losing my self esteem and confidence, I just feel really umattractive and not at all womanly! I keep getting upset
And coupled with the sexual frustration I feel like I am beginning to feel real resentment towards him. It's like we talk and he acknowledges what I've said and tries for a couple of weeks and then it's back in the same rut.
My dilemma is that besides the sex issues and the niggling trust issues that have been created every other aspect is great! But the more mistrust and less intimacy we have is beginning to overshadow it all... Don't know what to do anymore, hold my hand