Has having hpv and treatment to prevent cancer put strain on anyone else's relationship?

[Gezzagirl]

I had a bit of a shock about 8 months ago, I had a smear test, it came back positive for hpv and they found abnormal cin 3 cells after a biopsy, i then had to go back for treatment to remove the cells. I just had a follow up smear and although the cells looked normal I still have the hpv virus so got to go for a colposcopy to check everything is ok for sure.

The problem with all this apart from it being a horrible procedure and the worry and apprehension that goes with it, each time you have a procedure down there, you can't have sex for 6 weeks. My dp seemed fine with it but he particularly the first time struggled and wanted Me to perform other sexual acts to compensate but I really didn't want to. He said things like I would do anything for you why won't you for me? I ended up forcing myself to relieve him in other ways 😔. When I actually had the treatment he was better but I was still on edge, never really forgot how he was even though we discussed it and he did apologise. When I read the letter yesterday not only was I oh no not all that again as regards the procedure but how is he going to be. He says he'll be there for me and he won't be like he was but it still effects our relationship. He can just box it up like he never reacted that way, whereas I haven't forgotten how he was and feel worried all over again.
Has anyone had any experience of this?

I actually had exactly the same thing, three times over between the ages of 26 and about 30. I feel for you in the respect that the treatment is uncomfortable and invasive - no point being shy!! Although I have to say future smears were a doddle after all that malarkey!!

I had 3 separate cases of CIN 3 (twice) and CIN 2, however have been back to regular screening for 2 years now and all completely normal so hopefully it will completely get better for you too eventually. I agree six weeks of no sex related intimacy is difficult and I struggled too, although the side effects from the treatment meant that it would be practically impossible anyway.

I think you need to make your position clear, and certainly don't feel pressurized into doing anything you're genuinely uncomfortable with. However I do think that there is a difference between feeling uncomfortable/pressurized, and doing something for somebody else that you trust, because they like it, even though it might not actually 'do' anything for you personally... but only if you feel happy to obviously.

Explain that it's just as frustrating for you, but make your boundaries clear. If that presents an issue for him I might be inclined to re-evaluate how much he is actually supporting you in this. Those procedures are not pleasant, and you don't need the added stress of a stroppy man-child because he can't have what he wants all the time.

Thank you user, yeh I've had the conversation with him, he does admit he was selfish last time, he blames it on the fact he was extra stressed at the time but what if there's something stressful that happens this time! He looked after me, just said he needed sex. TBH since all this malarkey our sex life never really got back to normal, there was/is a bit of resentment there anyway. Also it was painful at one time and my sub consious hasn't really forgotten.
Then stupidly I'm thinking what if I can't give him sex when he wants it, will he end up going off with someone else. I'm going through a mental battle really.