Is it weird to be craving male attention from anyone?

[thing1andthing3]

Recently seperated and everytime a man gives me a compliment or what I think is flirting I am completely flattered and want to engage in conversation either in real life or over text. I feel like such a slag and desperate but it makes me feel better

Its the best medicine. Going dating and being complimented. Just smiling and having the smile returned. The odd wink.
Especially if you have been bereft of such flattery in your old relationship.

You use the word 'slag'? There's no such thing.

Normal to like attention and crave sex. Maybe establish some boundaries and think about why you consider yourself desperate and fall into misogynistic language.

How old are you, OP?

Please don't call yourself (or anyone else) a slag. It's a vile word.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying some attention, but I think you sound open to being taken advantage of and to be treated badly. Where are your boundaries? What do you want for yourself in the future; a relationship? Something casual or to be on your own?

Why does it make you a slag? No need to say that about yourself

So you enjoy a compliment & being made to feel attractive, well I know I've enjoyed that a few times in my life.

I think sometimes after breaking up with someone, you can feel unattractive or unwanted and if a flirty smile/compliment etc from another man makes you feel good, why feel guilty for that?

Your cool, don't worry about it

You're not a slag at all. Nobody is. I went through a phase like this just after I split with my exh. The relationship had been so rubbish towards the end and I found being single newly liberating, I enjoyed male attention after being in an unhappy relationship for so long. I didn't have sex with anyone but enjoyed flirting etc.

There's nothing wrong with it unless it starts to make you feel bad. Just don't take it too seriously for now, you could end up getting hurt.

'Slag' really?? I think before you get with anyone new you seriously need to address your attitude to yourself and other women. Somewhere along the way you've picked up some seriously misogynistic attitudes.

I'm sorry maybe slag wasn't the right word I hate that word too....it's the first thing I think exdp would label me as if he knew I was feeling this way or if I did begin dating.

I just feel so ugly and worthless since he left. I didn't expect it and I've been completely crushed and in such a mess I just want to feel loved or at least a compliment from someone I don't know. I don't feel I'm worth anyone's time and it's like I need validation that someone will find me attractive and want to pursue things with me.

Oh op. I am so sorry your ex talked to you like that.

You know you are actually very much worthy of love! And attention, and affection, and everything positive.

I was also out for validation and attention when I split with my ex. He had always thought very poorly of me (didn't use the word slag but certainly expected/suspected me of "bad behaviour" sexually throughout our relationship). It wrecked my head. I know how it feels, it's awful. I felt so vulnerable and sad during that period, so afraid I would never be loved.

I can't tell you the future but I can say that while you're afraid of being unloveable, you are no doubt a lovely person with so many adorable qualities. What's hard is believing that about yourself!

Can I ask, have you ever tried keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings? That was really helpful to me tbh...

It's completely understandable that you'd want validation after going through such a shit time. But I think you're looking for it in all the wrong places. It's at times like these when emotionally abusive people tend to home in on vulnerable people who would ordinarily be able to see them for what they are.

I think you need to start having validation come from yourself. You don't sound like you are anywhere near ready to date anyone. You feel awful and I totally get that, but nobody else can heal you. You have to do that by yourself. Stop thinking about anyone pursuing something with you and give yourself time to discover who you are. What do you like doing? What music/food/films do you like? What makes you laugh? And by doing that, you'll remember who you were before your ex came along and made you feel like you were worth nothing without him. Start to like yourself again. 💐

OP please beware!

I was feeling exactly like you after ending a LTR last year (in fact I posted a very similar thread back then!) and I fell into the trap of a massive predator and manipulator. With the benefit of hindsight, I can now see I was in a vulnerable position and he fully took advantage of that by pushing all the right buttons to make me feel adored and appreciated. It ended very badly.

Don't make the same mistake please!

Men are like this with women all the time. It is their normal.

Enjoy the freedom!

I think if possible for your own good it's best not to be too dependent on romantic attention (either gender) but there's certainly no 'morality' issue e.g. in terms of being a 'slag' or whatever.

I agree with everyone else, coming out of a bad relationship has a cost. But there are plenty of good, warm, safe loving men out there. Just keep your eyes open for bad ones. And also as everyone else said, couple this with some emotional work on yourself. I like positive affirmations.....I'd probably stick something up on my mirror that said 'I deserve love and I am a good person.' And since this is true, it will soon change your head space x have fun, be loved and start to enjoy yourself again xxx

The good point is you recognise you are doing it. I went through a faze of this in a way, not fawning over every compliment but I was definetly giving vibes/eyes of single and ready to go. I just enjoyed how I was feeling and the interactions. I've toned it down thankfully and know how to read if people have any inkling or intentions whether I want them or not.

Dont be ashamed op it's perfectly normal but I would say step back and look after yourself foremost, seems like your ex did a number on you and that will take time to recover from and for you to see You for yourself than of how others will see you.

Thankyou for all your lovely replies .. yeah it's knocked me sideways him leaving. I've been to the very worst end of the scale rock bottom. I feel I might be on the up now and I want to concentrate on my beautiful dc's and show them mummy is strong and independent. I'm so scared of how I will feel when he moves on with someone else 😰

If you can, set him free to be with someone else. monumentally hard but it will help you in your moving on.

For me, in the absolute cold light of day, its good for the children if their father is settled and stable (single or otherwise). I am at peace with that.

My experiences have filled too much of my heart with fear and resentment. No more. I'm convinced I smell of it now - and it has repelled others.

I hope I am not insulting you - its an attempt to be supportive and to gently encourage . All the best.

I should clarify, its good for MY children. I don't want to appear presumptuous.

The way I now see it, he may or may not move on and be with someone else. He'll do it without your permission regardless - and that's the colossal upheaval right there.

One day at a time x

No it's not weird, and please do not judge yourself for it. Your feelings are just information. Your esteem is low,, and you want validation, which is really natural considering what you've been through. But be aware that getting validation from other people can leave you vulnerable, because it lowers your discernment abilities ( can you tell this is the voice of experience?).
So , I'll not saying steer away from dating, but be honest with yourself about where you are on the desperate ( sorry, can't think of a better word) spectrum. And do other things to raise your own estimate of yourself as well. If there is something you've been putting off, or something you've always meant to do, but never got round to, do it now. Then outside validation matters less.