I've been with the same man for 21 years now and we have two kids. I was happy and life was ticking along nicely until last year when I found a text from him to a (much younger) woman at work posted at 7:30am Sunday morning whilst he was on his bike ride. He had recently been distancing himself from his family and becoming increasingly obsessed with cycling. The text appeared innocent enough, just a picture and a few words about his bike ride BUT the text was just to a mobile number, so no contact details in his phone. I went to have another look at the string of texts (a lot about meeting up in cafes etc. because they go on visits together for work) the next day and it had been deleted. When confronted he said they were just friends. I wouldn't text my own family at 7:30am on a Sunday morning, my friends have a name attached to their numbers on my phone and I don't tend to delete my messages so I have my suspicions. She is 15 years younger than me and heavily into cycling. He denies any sort of relationship but when asked if he still loves me he refused to answer, he refused to answer this question for many months. When I said I couldn't stay with someone who doesn't love me he said he doesn't want to end the relationship. He said he still loved me but in a different way. He said he needs to find himself. He says he doesn't know what he wants. He appears to have eaten the cliche dictionary. When I told him I felt his work was more important than his family he said that actually it was more important to him than his family and my heart broke, both for me and our children. I'm now stuck in some sort of limbo hell, unable to move on or fix what's broken because I didn't break it and you can't force someone to love you. He said we should go to relate but I pointed out that they can't make him love me and he would need to be totally honest and now he isn't so sure anymore. He's not a bad man and our relationship has never been perfect but we've always got along and worked as a team. I thought we'd stay together for the rest of our lives so it's hit me very hard. I thought he was in some sort of midlife crisis but nothing has changed a year on. He makes little effort unless I'm upset, because, I assume he feels guilty when I am. He keeps saying I shouldn't talk about parting and he doesn't want that but I can't go on like this. I don't know if it's worth trying to sort out this mess, risking my self esteem deteriorating further, if that's even possible or just ask him to leave whilst we sort out splitting up. I feel dreadful and I'm starting to get seriously depressed. I can't manage financially without him either as I only work part-time and he has a good job and pays all the bills. We're not married.