I am writing here as I need some advice on a particular subject. I am a married man in my thirties as is my wife and we have a son under 2. We have been together for 15 years and married for the last 3 of those.
Basically there is a male colleague at my wife's work that fancies her and it all started a few months before we got married. This new bloke started at her work one day and for a good few months I only heard his name crop us very occasionally and within a professional manner, however she is very close to her group of work colleagues and calls them 'best friends' even though I have never been introduced to them and they weren't invited to our wedding. Anyhow overtime his name cropped up a lot more and this time in a more friendly and flirty way then before. I had never met the guy, she and her work mates would go for drinks twice a month and I would never be invited. She would sometimes come home so late and so drunk without letting me know she was OK, she would ignore my texts or text 'home in an hour' and then be back 4 hours later. I would ask her about this behavior and she would always get defensive and tell me I am being silly etc.
I then noticed this bloke was all over her social media pages, liking and commenting on every selfie she had taken but avoided any pictures of me or of us together. I asked her to ask him if it was alright if he could maybe stop leaving 'likes' and 'wink eye' emojis and comments like 'sexy' etc on her pictures. We were getting married at this point and it was causing me anxiety with everything that was happening. She did tell him reluctantly but he still persisted. I asked her to ask him again as he was still doing it and she got mad, she got very defensive and said he was a really good friend and there is nothing going on and she just has to work with him. I felt I could have just been paranoid at this point but my gut feeling was that something was wrong. I suggested inviting the guy to our wedding if he was such a good friend but she denied it by saying she didn't want anyone from work there. She continued to go out with this guy and her work mates without me and I tried to ignore how uncomfortable I felt, until she would come home and drunkenly tell me that he had told her he really fancies her and 'would hit on her if she was single'. This happened a few times. I would question her the next day to which she would deny it but then say it was just harmless drunken chat etc.
We got married and he seemed to back off for a while but then there were late nights texts and snapchats from him. I happened to see one night whilst reading in bed, her phone flashed a few times and he was sending her pictures of selfies of himself he had taken. I asked her if she thought that was appropriate and she said no it wasn't but still defended his weird behavior. I got the impression he knew he was getting to me, so I messaged him and asked to meet for a beer so I could explain why his behavior was causing this situation. I met him and explained how I felt, I kept it cool and he apologised for making me feel awkward but not for actually behaving that way. He made a few comments that clearly suggested he has a thing for my wife but there was not much else I could do at that point, I had to accept his feeble apology and walk away. This seemed to work for a while as he backed off for a few months.
My wife then gave birth to our son and for roughly 18 months I heard not a peep from this guy until recently. After my wife finished her maternity leave and went back to work they started going out drinking again and he like before was suddenly all over her social media and texting her in the evenings, even after spending the day at work together. Yet again I told her how I feel, I just wanted her know and understand how it is from my end and again she got all defensive. She is very insistent on him being a 'best friend' but still to this day, I have never been invited out with her work lot even though others have their partners/spouses there. I get left looking after my son while she goes out and gets drunk, again ignores my texts and turns up at 4am in the morning, knowing full well I have work at 6am.
I saw her talking to him over email the other day, I was next to her on the sofa and she was asking him advice about her phone as it wasn't working properly and she needed to recover old photos. Eventually she recovered them but he made comments about them, like 'oh you were hot 5 years ago but you're so fit now' and 'wow, hot stuff' and 'i'd love to help you out any other way possible, wink wink'...
For me all this is crossing the line, it doesn't seem innocent and it's causing me such mental trauma. I have a mortgage and a little boy to think about now, and this guy still after 3 years and a face-to-face meeting has the audacity to flirt with my wife. I really want to be done with this situation once and for all but feel I am almost powerless, I have been reasonable and opened up my emotions but it's all to no avail clearly.
I don't believe my wife has slept with him or done anything but she does entertain his flirting and keeps me very separate from any situation he is involved in. Any help/advice will be greatly received as I feel I am lost and don't know how to deal with it anymore. I just want to move on and be a family without this awkward situation slowing us down.... Thanks!