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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

need to get over him

2 replies

midsummernights · 13/07/2017 16:10

So I had a relationship for over two years with a guy who I absolutely adored but it was a terrible relationship overall for both of us and about two months ago we called it a day.
Well he called me and said he didn't want to see me one weekend because he was confused about us. He'd let me down many times in the weeks proceeding and kept saying he didn't want to kiss me anymore etc so in the end I said let's call it a day, phone call ended with him crying saying he can't imagine his life without me and me saying gently he needs to let it go.
So. I am happy relationship is done. But I can't stop thinking about him. I really really wanted it to work but he was making it too much hard work and was regularly verbally abusive. (Got drunk and swore down phone at me and said how annoying I was and no one else would put up with me the way he does etc)
I went everywhere with him and I'm finding silly things like going to places we used to go (which has to happen as we went everywhere) and I want to cry at the most stupid things, even getting a certain brand of wine triggers me to be sad. Everything seems to be a reminder and I can't stop thinking if he's happier without me. Does this pass? I don't think I ever loved someone the way I did him but I think that's partly because it was a toxic relationship if that makes any sense!
What makes it worse is he used to live an hour away (where I work) and I used to go see him there and now he's moved close to where I live so I now have everywhere I go to avoid as I really don't want to see him. Typical!
I think he may have been seeing someone else at the end but I didn't even care I just wanted us to be together. I took the step to end it to prevent more pain and I can't regret that but I truly am so sad about it and want to feel better. I've tried OLD and it's making things worse. All the ghosting, ignoring and penis pictures. I want to meet someone just to have a laugh with but I have always been out with men I knew rather than people I don't & as I'm getting older I'm finding it hard to meet people IRL. I don't even know what I'm saying other than does this get better. Will I forget him? Will I be ok with seeing him with someone else?!

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 13/07/2017 16:34

I does get easier, I chucked my dp out 8 months ago, he was controlling and abusive but 90% of the time he was loving, caring and we did so much together. It took me a while to be able to go to certain places but like you I had to go and it got easier each time. I just keep reminding myself of the bad parts of the relationship. Write the bad bits down and read them when your having a wobble.

midsummernights · 13/07/2017 18:24

Thanks. I hope it does get better. I am trying to think everyday I'm better off without him but I am struggling when I think of things even though I'm trying not to think of them!

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