The time to leave him has come - just need support

[knowtheanswerneedahandhold]

Well, here I am, finally realising I'm living with an abuser. I've known it for a while but just "got on with it" I suppose. We both have good jobs, him especially. Our kids are grown up but I've had enough tonight. As soon as I say anything he disagrees with I'm a "looney" he calls me by a different name at these times. He drinks at least a bottle of gin a night when we're at home and I'm sick of worrying about his health. You see, to him a bottle of gin is "normal" and I'm "over reacting". I'm always the one whose in the wrong, only, I'm not in the wrong, that's not normal. I'm absolutely sick and tired of trying to reason with an alcoholic. That's what he is and it's incredibly sad to watch the man I married all these years ago being a slave to alcohol. As soon as he gets pissed I used to back off, agree with him and basically be a doormat. I'm fed up of being a doormat. I'm fed up of his drinking and I hate when he calls me "Linda". That's what he calls me when I disagree with him or mention his drinking like I'm some sort of different person. Does that make sense to anyone? As soon as I disagree with him or mention his behaviour is unreasonable I'm "Linda". I was called a feminist cunt tonight for daring to suggest we do something else other than lie on a beach every day on holiday as I'm bored with a beach and him drinking from 10am every day. It's not just about the holiday but it's EVERY night when he finishes work. EVERY FUCKING NIGHT. I'm so tired of it all.

Get out of there!!! There is never a reason to stay really, but if you can financially look after yourself, your kids are adults then get out now. Do you have any friends you can chat to?

You can do it, no one should be treated or spoken to like this. He is an alcoholic, you can't help him, you can't save him. Life's short, go and live yours now.

Agree it's time to get out.. life is too short. And the only one who can help him is himself. Has he ever admitted he has a problem? Xx

He's never admitted to having a problem. It's "normal" apparently to drink as much as he does. Only, it's not normal! Any sane person can see that. I can support myself if I move into rented accommodation but will never be able to afford to buy as I'm nearly 50 now. I'd rather live a life on my own than like this tbh.

Rented accommodation or a hovel would be better than living like that, OP, but surely you are entitled to a share in the marital home and savings and suchlike.

You have to go, I was in a relationship with someone for 13 years, they drank every night, held a great job, did a Degree etc, but I was left out in the cold because when they are drunk they are not very nice are they and our sex life died a death; I woke up one morning and realised it was never going to be any different and I thought if I had just met him would I carry on a relationship with him knowing his love for booze = no a chance - I ended it that day.

Nothing wrong with renting OP.

Nothing wrong with renting. I do know someone who bought a shared ownership in her 50s. She loves it, fresh start! Good luck!

Either you get out, or you become my dad, aged almost 80, who has no life when he's at home, because my mother does just what your DH does, drinks herself into oblivion every night. Cn you see another 30 years of this? Plus, you could buy, my parents' guaranteed a friend in their 50s for a mortgage.