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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Does This Effect Your Decision

46 replies

JohnnyBroad · 12/07/2017 22:01

Hi Everyone,

New to this website and I understand this isn't a singles forum but I have a question for the women of this forum please.

I am a 32 year old male and I live at home with my parents, this is due to a low income of a number of years and being made redundant so I didn't have a job for a year, I have been employed again for the past 2 thankfully.

Lately I have met a girl we were texting and everything was going great, until, she asked about where I lived and I told her about my situation and since then she has not been texting back and or ignoring me as it seems to me. This has happened to me before at the back end of last year, I asked her on dates 4 times and got a yes each time but they never materialised, then after the 4th times she told me she wasn't attracted to me and it would be cruel to lead me on and think that there is a chance.

I was wondering if my age of 32 and still living at home a big turn off for girls?

OP posts:

kingfishergreen · 13/07/2017 11:13

As unfair as it is, I'd be massively put off.

At 32 I lived alone (no longer sharing) I worked stupidly long hours, I had a very independent lifestyle and I'd want similar from a partner.

I was looking for a partner who was:

Independent
Ambitious
Grown-up

And irrespective of your reality (where you may be all of these things), living at home would indicate that the opposite is true.

Nowwhatsthis · 13/07/2017 11:16

Yes, it would be a turn off.

When you date someone, you need to make a point out of having always paid your way, saved up what you've saved in rent, always cooked your own meals (or cooked for your family), clean and wash your own clothes etc.

You don't want someone to think that you've lived rent free all your life, frittered away the money and is relying on your mum to clean and cook for you. Cause that's what they're scared of.

arsenaltilidie · 13/07/2017 11:46

You sound like a reasonably intelligent person. Why are you stuck in a dead end job and not actively doing something to change that?

Why were you unemployed for a year?
Nursing, Police, transport jobs, Nhs. These are the sort of places where they are actively recruiting.

Skarossinkplunger · 13/07/2017 15:38

For me it's the fact that you've always lived at home. At 32 I would expect a guy to have some life experience.

Underthemoonlight · 13/07/2017 15:44

I agree with the others I met dh at 23 he was living at home and we proceeded to moved in together. I had previously lived at uni and with ex but moved in with parents but it's the fact at your age your never be fully independent and running your own household.

crunched · 13/07/2017 15:49

It depends how you live at home. Do parents cook/clean/wash for you? If you live in an independent manner ; self-contained annexe, seperate front door etc. I wouldn't even mention the fact it is your parents house until the gf visits for the first time. If it is the former, yes, it would put me off.
Both my BiL's lived with their parents before they got together with my sisters (in their 30s) so it clearly doesn't put everyone off. In both their cases, they owned houses that they rented out, are both mummy's boys, but neither of my sister's knew this when they started dating.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/07/2017 16:01

Sorry, OP, but it's a massive turn off and red flag. A 32 year old man who has never moved out of his parents house? No. Way. For most independent women, all they would see is a grown man who still has his mommy cooking all his food, doing all his laundry, and cleaning his room. There is nothing enticing about that. It's time to cut the cord and get out of your parent's house.

rightwhine · 13/07/2017 16:02

Do you think you could move out now?

Grimbles · 13/07/2017 16:24

I agree with #crunched - it depends on how you live there.

Adora10 · 13/07/2017 16:28

Agree, if you had moved out then back I'd be more accepting but to get to the age of 32 and never have been independent, sorry I'd think you a mummy's boy and yes a total turn off.

ZippyCameBack · 13/07/2017 16:29

My husband lived with his mother when we met. Although I suppose technically she lived with him, since he'd taken over the family farm.
Although in many ways he is an utter wanker, he cared for his mother through a very long terminal illness and seeing how well he looked after her while still working made me think better of him, not worse.
If I'd thought that it was more a case of her taking care of him, it would have been different.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 13/07/2017 16:41

Sorry to say but yes, it would affect how I felt about the situation and I wouldn't date you.

Not because you're currently living with your parents (I understand falling on hard times etc) but because you have always lived with them and don't appear yo exhibit any desire to fly the nest.

You were obviously employed up until the age of 29 so would have expected you to have moved out during that time but perhaps you were getting ready to leave and you were unexpectedly made redundant.

But the fact you've now been employed again for the past 2 years and still haven't made a move just reinforces that you probably will never leave. Or at least not on your own anyway.

Original poster

JohnnyBroad · 13/07/2017 17:56

I lived on my own in this house for two years as they moved to Australia to work, it was supposed to be for ten years but only lasted two, they cam back earlier this years. So I'm well aware of how to cook clean wash and the hard work in maintaining a house

OP posts:

Original poster

JohnnyBroad · 13/07/2017 17:57

In response to rightwine YES I am trying my upmost to move out looking at all different options

OP posts:

rightwhine · 13/07/2017 17:59

Thats a totally acceptable reason then. That shouldn't put people off.

URaflutteringcunt · 13/07/2017 18:06

When I met my DH he was 35 and living at home. Always had, but he had a flat that he let out and so there were options. He had several jobs, one which is very steady and dependable, one which he did for fun and another to help out his family member. I wouldn't judge you on the redundancies at all, I've been made redunabt twice - in both case it was voluntary and I got more money because it was in the first wave before the company was desperate to cling on to every penny in the final few weeks. I got outstanding packages, everyone else got standard redundancy pay.

I'd have to meet you tbh. DH was at home but is very dynamic. Whisked me off to a tropical holiday within our first 3 months together, it was magical. If you weren't keen on holidays or hobbies and activities or moving out soon, then definitely no. Sorry.

JamesSpaderMadeMeDoIt · 13/07/2017 18:11

Yes at 32 it's not very sexy.

Fightthebear · 13/07/2017 18:54

Simon Cowell had to move back in with his parents when his business went bust and he was early 30s.

But no woman wants to take on a man child who isn't able to live independently and look after himself. I would make a point that you lived alone looking after the house for your parents while they were in Australia, to make clear you hadn't always lived with them.

Thephoneywar · 13/07/2017 19:01

Don't feel down. Be happy that you are avoiding all the nasty, judgemental, sexist women.

Saiman · 13/07/2017 19:06

It would put me off. I am neither judgmental or sexist. Its actually the fact that you have never left home.

Can you actually say you have never been in a position to move out?

Thephoneywar · 13/07/2017 19:49

Saiman, you are aware that cost of living and rent and house prices are crazy high and wages are low for millions of people. Getting out of mum and dads house isn't as easy as it was in my day. My kids will find it hard to leave home when they grow up if thing don't change.

Many many people are in positions where they can't move out. Would you apply the same logic to a woman unable to leave her parents house. I doubt it. Sexist and probably classist too.

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