How do you help someone with depression?

[IP1974]

I hope someone can help. I feel a bit lost. Someone I'm very close to is heading into a depression. He's been very open about it and has suffered from it before. I'm struggling with what to do to support him. Do I just be there, try to take his mind off it? I don't want to raise the subject obviously unless he does? I know lots of people who have suffered from it but nobody this close and who is likely to lean on me (and I want him to). I don't want to get it wrong. Can anyone who has suffered this give me any advice as to the best form of support?

Just being there for someone and listening without judgement is the best you can do.
I suffer myself and when i hit that low its something i need to work through myself, but having someone listen, or just be there is a godsend.
Also try to encourage him to get out in the fresh air ie dog walking or just popping to the shops snaps you back into reality and out of your head sometimes, this is my experience but someone else might have better advice x

Thank you for your answer. I'm happy to do that. He does get out and about so that's good. It's hard witnessing someone you care about struggling. I feel a bit helpless

Listen without judgement - some of the things he says might seem odd or total leaps of logic, but just listening is great. Keep inviting him out to places (if that's what you'd normally do), but don't be offended if he doesn't want to (but do please keep asking).
Just spending time with him will most likely help, just not being on his own will probably help, even if it's sitting without saying much - some of the best support I've had has just been sitting with my closest friend watching the TV.
If you can encourage him to go out - with you, even just to the shop - it's great, but that might be difficult, at least to start with.
If he needs support seeing the GP, then you can offer to go with him - above mentioned friend came with me and it was great to have someone who was there for me and could help me 'get my words out' when I was struggling (I have Aspergers, so communication becomes even more difficult for me when I'm stressed).
Honestly, being there and listening is fantastic. You sound like a great friend to be thinking about how best you can help him, I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

Sometimes help is needed with the practical stuff like paying the bills, making sure there's food in the cupboards.

With my stepdad who has bipolar depression, in the lows, I go over and prise him off the settee and in the car for at the very least, a drive. Sometimes a walk to get air, maybe chatting but not always. It helps if I get him involved with a project that he excels at-think painting and DIY. He might not finish it but he achieved something and it helps fill the time for him whilst his meds are kicking in.

I usually play it by ear. I know not to bully him but gently cajole him up and out. Filling his time is important but when it's really, really bad, making sure the knives are locked away and the medicine cabinet locked. That sounds awful but mercifully rare nowadays. Poor old fella.

Oh ginswinger how awful. My friend is saying he doesn't feel he needs medication at this stage. He has in the past so I feel he knows. He does get out. I do feel he's a bit isolated sometimes so I will be there for him as much as I can be. Your advice is great thank you for sharing your stories

Also, look after yourself! Supporting someone with depression can be very very draining so make sure you don't absorb it all without some outlet

Prima that's also good advice too. I do have other friends who I can lean on when needed

And remember you are a friend not a trained counsellor..so it's ok to show your emotions too and get things wrong sometimes. I have a friend who suffers from chronic depression and sometimes I do tell him I'm upset because he is self absorbed etc....i.e. Things a counsellor probably wouldn't say but I as a friend, can

Just to clarify .. I'm not suggesting you should say that , I meant as a friend you might need to say things that a health professional wouldst.Dont be afraid to be human and it's ok to disagree

I worry if I say the wrong thing he'll retreat away. Equally I don't want our relationship to be all about me listening to him (that sounds selfish but it's not meant that way). I want to engage him and help him but i am aware I can't cure it at all. I want to be able to cure it. Isn't it a useless feeling?

I understand your advice Prima completely, I know what you meant. I'm not a counsellor, I'm only human too

Well you can't cure it but you can ease his pain, But I warn you it can take over your life too if you are not careful. Not being unsympathetic but I have been in this situation myself and it hasn't always been the best thing to have done. I have finally extracted myself but at great cost

Prima this is someone I've known about a year and we see each other every week. Usually he's very easy going and funny but over the last few weeks I've noticed he's not right and last week he admitted he's struggling. I'm glad he's said something. I don't think his depression has been chronic (I don't think it has been anyway). It's just not nice to see him like this. I will be there of course but I will follow your advice too and be careful. Thank you

Hullo, my top tips are:

1- Exercise - every day, not exhausting but enough to get endorphins going and to promote sleep
2- lots of fresh air and nature
3- ideally combine 1 and 2 eg brisk walk in woodland or climb a hill and have a picnic
4 - minimise stress
5 - sleep hygiene to promote good sleep patterns (no sleeping in the day even if you are really weary and low).
6 - maintain social interaction as much as possible
7 - avoid alcohol its a depressant and eat healthy stuff as much as poss (though a bit of comfort food too isn't a disaster, just make sure the good stuff is going in to and supplement with vitamins to be sure)
8- try to stay away from depressing triggers eg. news! for a while, keep it light
9 - in the morning , have a rough plan for the day
10 - in the evening, count three good things in your life

Just practical stuff. all really effective. lots of people also find yoga and meditation helpful, particularly where anxiety levels are high.

your friend is lucky to have you. try to stick with it. but remember to look after yourself because being with someone who is depressed is, erm, well, very depressing!

I think most of these are achievable wishitwasnotso. A great list

Really great list wish

The black dog film (or book) can be very helpful for understanding

Get him onto therapy ASAP call the BACP for therapists/counsellors in your area.

Tyneteas great suggestion thank you