My ExW was emotionally abusive and treated me like crap for years. In the beginning it was all new, exciting and we were happy, A year into living together she started belittling me in private, sulking when she didn't get her own way, sulking when my DS was center of my attention. and I started making excuses for her.
We were married after 5 years and she continued to get worse, my DS (god bless him....I am so sorry!) was pushed away and over the years felt unwelcome in his home. (I was so blind) I had to do everything in the house, all of the housework, bills, time management. I had to make all her appointments as she couldn't call the doctor herself. My friends were pushed away in favour of hers, my family was made to feel unwelcome and backed off and I carried on making excuses.
I believed that I was worth nothing without her, I believed that I was a slag and a whore for having previous partners and for being with men in my past, I believed I was the reason she was angry all the time and that she was shouting at me and my DS. I blamed my DS when he started taking her things and breaking them, not realising it was because he hated her and just to keep the peace with her.
I thought I was weak when she told me depression wasn't real and it was my choice to be sad.
When she had me by the throat and was screaming in my face, when she pushed and pulled and lashed out, when she hurt me and threatened my DS I called it off. But then I believed her when she said she would get therapy, and then told me that her therapist had told her that she didn't have anger problems, she had a me problem and I was causing her pain. I let her come back to me and my DS and stay for another 2 years.
After 10 whole years I realised I had turned into someone else, I didn't know me any more, it was suddenly clear that she was keeping me and my DS apart, she was controlling my whole life, I was downtrodden, scared and confused but I knew it had to end.
I walked away with my incredible DS by my side, I gained his trust and I built a home.
If only I could go back and tell the old me, if I could give the shadow of myself the push to get out sooner. I wish I could have been a better mum when I had to be, I wish I could have stood up for what was right but I was so low I didn't know how. I am still not sure how I let it happen.
I called old friends, I rebuilt my fractured family relationships and I met a girl.
My darling beautiful amazing kind wife. My DW has turned my life around, she is totally invested in my DS and all of his issues, teenage angst, all of his victories and his failures. He tells me he loves her, he tells me she is his other mum, when he comes home he runs to hug us both. She helped me and my DS become stronger together.
We share our hopes, dreams, fears, finances, work load, stresses, happiness and she makes sure that she makes me feel safe and loved every day. She is patient with me when I am struggling with my self confidence, she boosts me when I feel low, She holds me and makes it ok when I shut down and try to hide my emotions. She makes me proper belly laugh every single damn day she makes me so bloody happy that I can't believe it is real life.
This has taken me days to write down, it has been therapeutic and helps me see what once was. I'm not telling you all this because I need a reply. However, if you are stuck like I was.....get out, move on up. It is bloody hard, it is so very scary but it is totally worth it!!